For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 NIV
These verses can be a difficult pill to swallow. We all know what it is like to be hurt, betrayed, or even abused by someone else in some way. You know the awkwardness you feel around someone when there is an unresolved issue between you. Perhaps your wound goes much deeper than mine, and you are struggling with this command to forgive the one who inflicted this pain on you. I know what that is like. It just doesn’t seem fair.
A broken relationship can weigh so heavily on our hearts, but we may not fully understand the residual effects we will experience if we allow the bitterness to continue to grow without resolve. It can fester and morph into a hideous beast!
We may think we have allowed bygones to be bygones and have put the offense in the past, but if we haven’t dealt with it and intentionally chosen to forgive, it will continue to eat away at us. We will sacrifice peace and wholeness because we are not willing to swallow our pride and make things right with that person. In a moment, I am going to answer some of the objections you may have about having to forgive, but first, let’s adjust our perspective.
When we choose to forgive, it is not a matter of having to give something of ourselves to someone who has already taken something from us. Rather, we are merely extending the free gift of grace that was first extended to us. When we consider what Christ has done for us, we will see our offender in a different light.
You see, we do not deserve this free gift of grace that Christ died to give us. We deserve the death penalty for our sins. Yet, when we were still dead in the muck and mire of our sin, He took our sin upon Himself and was punished in our place. He freely forgave us and made us as pure and clean as if we had never sinned. He gave us right standing with the Father and reconciled us to Himself. How much more should we be willing to offer forgiveness to others for lesser offenses?
If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 1 John 1:8-9 NLT
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21 NIV
Because of his grace, he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life. Titus 3:7 NLT
Matthew 18:21-35 tells of a man who owed the king millions of dollars. He was arrested and sentenced to be sold as a slave, along with his wife and children, until he could pay the debt. As he begged the king for mercy, the kind had pity on him and forgave his debt.
As the man was released, he went straight to a fellow servant who owed him only a small percentage of what he had just been forgiven, and he grabbed the servant by the throat and threated him. The servant begged for mercy, but the creditor would not show mercy. He had the servant thrown into jail!
The other servants saw this and reported it back to the king. When the king heard of this man’s lack of mercy toward his fellow servant, he recanted his act of forgiveness and had the man thrown into prison to be tortured until the debt could be paid. Jesus said:
“That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sister from your heart.” Matthew 18:35 NLT
You may have objections such as:
“You don’t know what this person did to me. They don’t deserve forgiveness.”
- No, but we don’t deserve forgiveness either. Yet, God loved us so much that He gave His life so we could be forgiven. It’s called grace. Besides, forgiveness is more about freeing ourselves and choosing to live in peace than it is about letting the other person off the hook.
“You don’t know how badly this person hurt me. If I forgive, it will minimalize what they did.”
- True, you have been hurt. Forgiveness does not deny the hurt, nor does it mean that they are not accountable to God for their actions. What you are doing is to put it in God’s hands instead of seeking retribution yourself. God can take care of it much better than we ever could!
“I cannot allow this person back into my life after what they did.”
- Forgiveness does not mean that you are a door mat who has to allow the abuse to continue. It is OK to establish healthy boundaries, and it is possible to do so with a heart full of forgiveness.
“Every time I try to forgive, the hurt and anger keeps coming back. I just can’t get over this!”
- I have learned that actions usually must precede the emotion. We first make the choice to forgive out of obedience, and soon our feelings will follow suit. Until then, what I have learned that helps the most is to pray for the one who has hurt me, and to speak kind words to and about the person. This will catapult you into the fast track to healing!
“But I really just don’t like this person! I don’t want to forgive, and I surely don’t want to build any kind of relationship with this person!
- This is a tough one for sure, but we aren’t getting off the hook with this one! To love as Christ loves does not mean we have to be BFF’s with this person. When Jesus went to the Samaritan woman, hers was a race the Jews despised. Yet, Jesus looked beyond the external and saw into her soul. He loved her anyway; however, He didn’t invite her to hang out with his disciples or travel with him on his ministry journeys. It is OK to admit we don’t fit together well with someone, or that they belong in the outer ring of our hearts, but it is a choice to love with the unconditional love of God.
We love each other because he loved us first.
If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers. 1 John 4:19-21 NLT
This Scripture sums up the process of forgiveness so beautifully! Let these words sink in deeply.
Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,
“I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,
says the Lord.Instead,
“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.”Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. Romans 12:17-21 NLT
When we consider the lavish gift of forgiveness that God first bestowed upon us, we are more willing to choose forgiveness toward others. By the grace of God, we have been forgiven of all our sins and declared “Not guilty,” although we did nothing to warrant such mercy. Now we are in a position to offer the same kindheartedness to others.
So, my friend, choose to forgive and be free!
