My man and I posing as Danny and Sandy
My wonderful husband surprised me Saturday evening and took me along on a golf trip. If you have ever seen Lucy and Ethel play golf, that is how I pictured this trip would turn out! I was astounded with his seemingly unlimited patience as he coached me through some horrific strokes. Let me tell you; I was really bad! However, I saw a side of him that impressed me so much. He was patient; he was kind… Wait a minute; he was everything that 1 Corinthians 13 describes as genuine love, and I know I fell in love with him all over again. What a practical way to test a husband’s character and devotion, by allowing his very nonathletic wife to accompany him as he played his favorite sport!
Afterward, we got some hot dogs and chili fries (yep, very healthy fare!) and had a picnic in the park downtown. With our hearts engaged from what Dr. William Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs, calls “recreational intimacy,” this was the perfect opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk. I asked him if there was one thing men in general wished all women understood about their husbands, and what women can do to breathe new life into their marriages, what would it be? In other words, I was pumping him for blog ideas!
His answer came so quickly that I could tell it was something he had spent some time pondering before this conversation. He explained that no matter what a man’s “love language” is, every man needs words of affirmation. A husband needs to know that he is loved and appreciated by his wife, that he is doing something right. He needs to know that she still finds him desirable and that he still rocks her world. He helped me understand just a little more clearly the fragile male ego, and how every man craves affirmation from his sweetheart.
My husband has observed numerous marriages and has spoken to many men about this very subject, and it seems to be a universal longing. As women, we can easily become fixated on our own emotional needs and lack of fulfillment, hoping that our husbands will just try to see our point-of-view, but we often fail to pivot our concerns to their perspective. It really does go both ways. Our husbands endure much stress trying to provide for and protect their families, and typically worry themselves sick about falling short. Sometimes, a man’s self-worth can be shot to pieces when his wife fails to affirm him, or harshly criticizes him. I wish all women could understand this as much as we want our husbands to understand our emotional make up and needs.
Granted, I know that some women feel that they have married a man who doesn’t deserve praise. However, imagine the power of using positive reinforcement for the things he does do well. Let him hear that you love him and appreciate him, that you noticed something he accomplished, and that you want him. The love and respect he feels will be far more motivating for him to reciprocate than any of the harsh and nagging words that have not worked in the past. If this is a challenge for you, I understand. Begin with prayer, and even fasting if you are desperate for change in your marriage. Then, allow the Holy Spirit to soften your heart and love your husband through you. Ask the Lord to give you the words and to help you develop a loving habit of encouraging your husband.
That night, I affectionately watched my husband sleep as I thought deeply about what he had said earlier that evening. I began typing how I feel about him, and before I knew it, I had 75 phrases of affirmation for my husband. Just a few minutes more, and I cleared an even 100! These are things I say to him often; however, for women who have not made this a regular practice, I felt that they may need some help getting started. Therefore, I am happy to share these encouraging starters to help you create a new habit. I hope that you all take this to heart and give it a try. Especially watch how you speak to and about him in front of others. Praise him, and vow to never speak negatively about him in public. When tough topics need to be addressed with your husband, try sandwiching it in between words of affirmation. Watch the change in your man and in your marriage!
“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that
your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
Ephesians 4:29 NLT
Words kill, words give life;
they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.
Proverbs 18:21 MSG
1. I am so proud to be married to you.
2. There is no one else with whom I would rather share my life.
3. Mmmm, you smell good.
4. You are just like my cup of coffee, hot and sweet.
5. Your kisses make me melt.
6. Thank you for being a man of integrity.
7. I appreciate the sacrifices you make every day to provide for our family.
8. I love your excellent work ethic.
9. You did a great job fixing that.
10. What a creative idea!
11. Thank you for managing our finances so well.
12. Thank you for leading our family with Godly wisdom.
13. That was very considerate of you.
14. You are the man of my dreams.
15. You have the best hugs.
16. You fixed my coffee just the way I like it.
17. I was checking you out as I followed you up the stairs. I like what I see!
18. I feel so safe with you.
19. Thank you for folding the towels (instead of criticizing how he did it).
20. I love watching you with the children. You are a great father.
21. I want you.
22. You have a good head on your shoulders.
23. What strong arms you have!
24. That little bit of gray hair is sexy on you.
25. You tell the funniest jokes.
26. I trust you.
27. You are a man of honor.
28. I believe in you.
29. I love that you can be both strong and gentle.
30. I have so much fun hanging out with you.
31. Thank you for supporting my dreams.
32. You always build the coziest fires in the fireplace.
33. You still make my heart pitter pat.
34. I am praying for you.
35. You have the favor of God on your life.
36. You are destined to succeed.
37. We have a wonderful history together.
38. Thank you for being faithful.
39. I am so happy with you.
40. I love waking up next to you each morning, morning breath and all!
41. I love the way you hold me.
42. I admire you.
43. You are a great problem solver.
44. I love your creativity.
45. I am so proud of the way you take care of our yard.
46. You are great with directions.
47. I value your opinion.
48. You are such an amazing lover.
49. Thank you for being so patient while teaching me a new sport.
50. You make me feel like a million bucks.
51. Your commitment to our family means the world to me.
52. I am impressed by your compassion toward others.
53. You are such a hunk!
54. It was kind of you to help that family in need.
55. I admire your generosity.
56. I have a lot of respect for you.
57. I love that I can depend on you.
58. I love your parents.
59. I’m proud of my Mr. Fix It.
60. Thank you for all the spiders you have killed for me.
61. I like your taste in music.
62. It means a lot to me the way you respect my parents.
63. You are the best story teller.
64. My life is better because you are in it.
65. You are everything I asked God for in a man.
66. Your kisses are sweeter than chocolate.
67. I love the way you look at me.
68. You are my very best friend.
69. I enjoy watching you play the drums (or whatever your husband does)
70. You know just how to touch me.
71. You are an excellent communicator.
72. You represent our family well.
73. I am proud of your good reputation.
74. You pull the best pranks.
75. Thank you for letting me drive the nicer car. You are so unselfish.
76. You have a kind heart.
77. You are a gentleman.
78. You always know how to make me smile.
79. You are my favorite karaoke singer!
80. I can’t wait until you get home; I miss you.
81. I love to be close to you.
82. Even the sound of your voice gives me goosies.
83. You are such an awesome driver through downtown Atlanta traffic.
84. It is so much fun to play games with you.
85. I appreciate your positive outlook.
86. You are very talented at __________.
87. I am proud of what a great leader you are.
88. You have such a great sense of humor.
89. I love the extended family God gave me when I married you.
90. You are the best ice-cold-feet-in-the-bed warmer!
91. You are the bacon and eggs master!
92. I really appreciate all your romantic gestures.
93. You make me love being a woman.
94. It means so much to me that you love God with all your heart.
95. I appreciate the way you respect and value my opinions.
96. You could have invented the term “servant-leader.” You have it down pat!
97. Where do you keep your cape, because you are my super hero!
98. How sweet that you call me during your short lunch break.
99. I feel a sense of security with you, that everything is going to be all right.
100. I will love you forever!
Now see if you can add to the list!
May God bless you and your marriage!
