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| Honeymoon Memories! |
About a week ago, as I was logging onto the computer to participate in an online Bible study, I was so frustrated that the computer just sat there frozen. The mouse wouldn’t move, and nothing was responding. With only minutes until time to start, I knew I needed to hurry, but what to do? I already had my coffee ready, so the most important priority was in place! Ha ha! If only I had gotten my laptop ready first!
The only thing I knew to do was to simply reboot. When all else fails, often all that is needed is to unplug and start over. As I restarted the computer, within just a couple of minutes, everything was working perfectly. Unfortunately, I was five minutes late for Bible study, but at least I was finally able to participate. That is all it took!
In the past, when we have had internet trouble, the same principle applied. We would unplug the router, give it a few seconds to reset itself, and then just plug it back up. That works just about every time!
What is interesting is that this same concept is illustrated from a spiritual perspective in the devotional book, The Faith Dare, by Debbie Alsdorf, that I am walking through during the month of August. The emphasis for this study is a fasting from self for a spiritual reboot so that we can renew and strengthen our faith. Sometimes all we need to liven up our walk with Christ and to refurbish our effectiveness in the Kingdom is to simply “unplug” and allow God’s Word to wash over us with refreshing and with renewed strength.
I love how all of these lessons seem to come together just when we need them. In this current season of our marriage, for example, this lesson of spiritual growth from the devotional study, and the illustration from the frustrating battle with my computer, both spoke to me in a way that helped me to understand exactly what we needed to revamp our relationship that was beginning to show some early signs of stagnation.
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| I am not really that much taller, so what is this all about? Oh well, here we are on our day! |
I am writing this because I believe that no matter where you are in your marriage relationships, from the strongest and most vibrant marriages that may be showing the beginnings of atrophy creeping in to the anemic and barely-holding-in-there marriages that leave doubt as to the long-term survival of the marriage, I am sure that this concept can make such a real difference for you. This may be just what you need to spark some real change and fresh life into your relationship.
Let me explain…
For the past six weeks, my husband and I have grown closer as a couple in a new and very intimate way through his illness; however, I had begun to mourn the loss of the relationship that we had beforehand. I needed my husband back in a bad way, and I was beginning to feel very lonely. He is my very best friend in the whole world, but his needs had been different for awhile, and I had to focus on that for the time being.
Of course, I would never had allowed selfish demands to take precedence over his complete recovery, but there was a stagnation that had begun settling in because we had not been able to communicate in ways that we had been used to, and we could not spend quality time together doing things we enjoy. I missed companionship with my best friend, and we needed to do something that took our minds off of the illness that had become the center of our lives for too long. I needed to talk about something else soon or I would go nuts!
I describe our ordeal more specifically in my story, “In Sickness and In Health.” However, what I didn’t know at the time was that the illness was actually a result of a nasty little tick bite, and my husband had contracted erhlichiosis. It is an extremely rare, and potentially fatal, disease. While an entire team of the finest doctors were scratching their heads, trying to determine the source of my husband’s extremely serious infection, it was not until much later that we discovered that the source was an evil little arachnid! My husband almost lost his life, but praise God for restoring his health!
One thing I learned, however, is that often life throws us curve balls, and while we are in the swing of dealing with our circumstances, we can become so easily distracted and not even notice that we are losing precious intimacy and connection with our spouses. We may think our relationship is wonderful and that everything is all right, yet be totally oblivious to the warning signs that we are drifting apart until a crisis hits. It can happen so fast, and often without noticeable warning!
Even daily routines can be detrimental to our marriages if we are not intentional about maintaining closeness. If we neglect communication and quality time, it catches up to us eventually. There is no getting around that, no matter how healthy our marriages are. If we don’t intentionally nurture our marriages, they will wither and can eventually even die. We cannot let that happen.
Additionally, I have found that tiny little resentments can creep in so easily and snowball into utter bitterness or indifference in our marriages. Suddenly, couples find themselves in a pit and wonder how in the world they got there. I see it often in relationships I observe. When we neglect to discuss issues and do not resolve minor conflicts quickly, the resulting mess that we scoot under the rug keeps growing and growing into a major blow out. Minor feelings of resentment can grow wildly out of control if not dealt with early on.
However, I have learned firsthand that these things WILL melt in the warmth of intimacy, and the feelings of well-being and loving affection CAN be revived.
This past weekend, I went to visit my son and future daughter-in-love for her graduation from Ohio State, and to meet her parents who were in the States from Taiwan. We were also celebrating their engagement. My husband was still not well enough to travel, so Natalie and I went alone. While I was traveling, I felt myself pouting that I didn’t have a husband anymore. I was so sick of dealing with sickness! Aaaaaah!!! Pitiful, I know!
The more I thought about him, the more resentful I felt inside, not of anything he had done, but just of the situation. I felt like such a brat! Every thought of him was beginning to get on my nerves. The man that I love more than anything in this life was getting to me! I had never felt that way about him before, and I got on my knees later that night and began to pray about my attitude. I really don’t like to admit that I felt that way because it sounds so selfish, but the needy me was wanting some attention!
As I was praying (and crying), I felt that God had impressed in my heart that we needed a marriage reboot. We hadn’t had time to focus much on our relationship lately, and we needed to “unplug” and concentrate on “us” for awhile. We needed to enjoy each other again and to remember why God has put us together.
I also began thinking during my prayer time about how most marriages travel down that familiar path. If we are wise, we notice the signs quickly and do something about it right away. However, many people get too busy and don’t realize what they are losing until it becomes out of control. Regardless, I believe a marriage reboot is exactly what every marriage needs, and often.
My husband called me that evening, and he told me that he was reading an exciting book about marriage while I was gone. He had begun to feel what I hadn’t even mentioned to him that I was also feeling. God had also put this on his heart, and he began flirting with me as he hadn’t done in weeks. That was all it took for me! I had an instant reboot in my heart, and every feeling that I was fighting in my heart had totally melted away. Just knowing that he is still so very committed to me and to God, and that I still rock his world, meant the world to me. I couldn’t wait to get back to Georgia now!
When I got home, he kissed and hugged me like he hadn’t done in what seemed like ages. He had a dozen roses and a very romantic card waiting for me on the bed, and I was melted! That man sure knows how to touch my heart!
He also told me that he had Braves tickets and reservations for a hotel in Atlanta for the weekend so that we can “reboot.” He gets it! He understood what we needed! He also knows what baseball does to me! We all have our triggers, and the Braves do it for us every time! Thank you God for baseball!
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| More Face in Hole fun. Me as my favorite Brave, Chipper Jones. |
That leads me to thinking about all of you. Isn’t it time for you to have a marriage reboot as well? Has it been too long since you connected on an intimate level? Has daily stress or a major life event robbed you of precious intimacy? Have you allowed resentment to build up to an out of control level? Please don’t let it get too far gone before you reboot. The earlier you catch it, the easier it will be to recharge. However, no matter how far gone you are, God really can spark new life into your marriage.
What will it take? Do you need a book? A date? A compliment? A conversation? A weekend away? A fun activity or project to pursue together? Physical affection? A marriage conference? Quality time together? Doing something silly or fun? I urge you to rediscover what brought you together and what made you fall in love with each other. Learn what it means for you to unplug and focus on each other anew.
Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to intertwine your relationship tighter than ever and to help you to rediscover His purpose for your marriage. Find what will give you the marriage reboot you need. Do something romantic and meaningful, and rededicate your marriage to the One who joined you together in the first place. Do not neglect this most important relationship, but take the time to nurture, protect, and build upon it. Be intentional about your marriage; enjoy each other; and reestablish your focus.
Please don’t put if off. Don’t wait until you drift farther apart, or until you develop a crisis that jolts you into reality. Even if your marriage is wonderful, take time to connect in a fresh way. The time for a marriage reboot is now – for all of us!
People are easily seduced, especially men. Everyone is vulnerable to sexual sin at some point or another, and history is strewn with the wreckage that results when the path of adultery is followed: bitterness, death, instability, loss, ruin. Time and again, these are the consequences of violating God’s instruction. (Preface to Proverbs 5:15, The Voice)
Here’s what you should do to be satisfied:
go home and drink in the pleasures of your own cistern, your wife;
enjoy the sweet, fresh water that has been there all along, flowing from your own well. Proverbs 5:15 (The Voice)Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!
Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose—
don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.
Never take her love for granted! Proverbs 5:18-19 (The Message)
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| Me and my best friend and soul mate! |
Wow – we celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary tomorrow – this was just what I needed to read.
We've been in a reboot sorta – but I really need to think about it and ENJOY the process…
Great blog!