Becoming Heart Sisters, Week 2, Getting Right with God

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We have been to the junk heap this week! What a relief to discover and discard the junk that gets in our way of developing healthy friendships! Let’s work together in our small groups this week to continue clearing the obstacles from our hearts so we can be completely free to love others and nurture our friendships.

Remember, the first step to developing authentic relationships with heart sisters is to cultivate a relationship with God.

Natalie opens the leader’s manual this week with a revealing scenario:

A friend calls to tell you all about her recent vacation, how relaxed she is, and what a wonderful time she had. As you answer the phone, you have a multitude of pressing demands vying for your attention (whether you are at home or work or somewhere else). Which of these is closest to your first thought?

Happiness for her: “I can’t wait to hear about that, but it will have to be another time.”

Envy: “I can’t believe she was on a vacation while I’m knee deep in _____________!”

Insecurity: “She must have it all together. Why can’t I seem to get my life together like hers?”

Snapp, Natalie Chambers. Becoming Heart Sisters – Women’s Bible Study Leader Guide: A Bible Study on Authentic Friendships (Kindle Locations 331-338). Abingdon Press. Kindle Edition.

What a profound look at the condition of our hearts!

We have studied five primary conditions of the heart, or more accurately, sin, that prohibit our relationships: joy-stealing comparison, bone-rotting envy and jealousy, life-choking insecurity, sneaky pride, and paralyzing fear.

Comparison: This is what “happens when we look sideways at what others have instead of looking up to what God has for us.” In the world of social media, we see the very best version of others, the highlight reel, and hold it up to our “blooper footage.” It’s no wonder we torture ourselves with comparison!

Of course, we will look like doofuses if we fixate on the freeze-framed moments of someone’s exaggerated life while being preoccupied at the same time with our perceived shortcomings and failures. It is an unfair comparison – apples and oranges!

However, when we accept who God made us to be with a grateful heart, and we fix our eyes on Him first and foremost, it is with this perspective that we will discover the freedom and fulfillment of walking confidenctly into God’s ultimate purpose for our lives. God has a perfect plan, and we will only know true satisfaction in life when we follow Him instead of watching others.

Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Galatians 6:4-5

Envy: Comparison ultimately leads to envy and jealousy. We become dissatisfied with who we are and what we have when we long for what someone else has. Essentially, envy is to put down the work God has done in us and for us. And, instead of being happy for the success or good fortune of others, we may feel disgruntled because it didn’t happen to us.

On the contrary, a true heart sister will rejoice in the blessings of others. She is confident in who God made her because she knows that God’s Word says she is a masterpiece. She is content with what she has because she has a grateful heart. Therefore, she is able to rejoice in the blessings of others.  

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 NIV

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30 NIV

Insecurity: This is the one I have seen in women more than any other. Comparison and envy can chip away at our identity, and we can be plagued with a perpetual feeling of not measuring up. We may become full of self-doubt and feel uncomfortable in our own skin. Consequently, we may shy away from making friends, or we will put on a false façade and not allow anyone to get to know the real us. Heaven forbid someone may see what we are hiding deep within!

When Paul spoke of the thorn in his flesh, in 2 Corinthians 12, the only response God would give him is that His grace is sufficient, and that His strength works best through our weaknesses. Therefore, Paul boasted in his weaknesses and limitations so that all the more God could work through him and do great and mighty deeds. This kept Paul humble and made him realize his dependence on God.

There is not one single person reading this who does not have at least one weakness of some sort. If we had everything altogether, we would have no need to call upon the Lord. It is our shortcomings that help us realize our need for God and drive us to seek Him. So, let us rejoice in our weaknesses and celebrate how God created us, and then let us lean on God to enable us to do and be all He has planned for us.

Satan can get his foot in the door of our minds by fooling us to believe anything about ourselves or about our God that is contrary to the Word of God. Know the truth! Know your identity in Christ, and know your God. You will then not be able to be shaken!

Only when we recognize our great need for God do we rely completely on His provisions for the challenges we face, acknowledging that we can’t make it alone. Those challenges or “thorns” are the very things God uses to show the world what He can do.” ~Natalie Chambers Snapp

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14 NIV

Pride: Pride is a great thief, robbing us of relationships, peace, personal growth, and joy. Pride is self-focused, and everything is “all about me.” We stress about people pleasing and making sure everyone likes us. Pride manifests itself in either extreme – thinking too highly of ourselves, or thinking too lowly because we are obsessed with how people see us.

Humility is foundational to all healthy relationships. Pride forces us to hide our core selves, but humility allows us to be vulnerable to a point, and it bind us closer to our friends. Pride goes before a fall, but humility brings us wisdom and honor. Pride causes strife and division, but humility is what helps us be vulnerable and relate to each other.

Don’t be afraid to be a little vulnerable with our friends. It is OK if they see our warts and discover that we are real and somewhat flawed. When we expose these things, and bring them into the light, we are in the position for God to His best healing work in our hearts.

Fear: Fear is at the root of the previous four qualities. It paralyzes us spiritually, causing us to be ineffective for the Kingdom. However, when draw close to God, we are full of His perfect love. It is His perfect love that drives out fear and allows us to love each other deeply and unconditionally.

Fear sets up camp in our thoughts, and we must fight vigilantly to protect and nurture our thoughts for the glory of God.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV

God has commanded His people throughout time to be courageous, and the same message applies to us. He has promised to always be with us and to never abandon us.

I must add that there are times we may need professional help for depression or overwhelming anxiety. If that is the case, there is no shame in seeking professional medical help. Just as we would use medicine to help the rest of our body work properly, such as heart medicine, blood pressure medicine, insulin, or antibiotics, God has also provided the knowledge to balance hormonal levels in our brains. Use it if you need it.

For the most part, fear can be overcome by nurturing our relationship with God. Get into His Word; pray; worship; give; serve; go to church; be involved with a Bible study group or a group of Christian sisters; and forgive. Drawing closer to God will allow us to develop healthy, satisfying relationships.

Our relationship with God is the thermostat that sets the temperature of our relationship with others. ~Natalie Chambers Snapp

 

Week 2 Discussion Questions

Here is a sneak peek at the questions we will discuss in our small groups this week:

 

Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, “Lord, who will betray you?” Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?”

Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.” John 21:20-22 NLT

Jesus had just spoken to Peter to “Feed my sheep” three times in this passage, and then he exhorted Peter to “Follow me.” What was Peter’s response? He was busy worrying about John. “What about him?” Notice Jesus’ reply, “What is that to you?”

Galatians 6:4-5 says, “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”

QUESTION 1 (Q1): What are some areas of struggle you have had with comparison that has kept you from the freedom God intends for you? What have you learned about comparison?

 

Part of being a peacemaker is ridding our hearts of bone-rotting envy and comparison, and this is a process. However, with God’s grace and mercy, we CAN break free from the chains of envy that so negatively impact our relationships!

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. James 3:16-17 NIV

QUESTION 2 (Q2): How do envy and comparison negatively impact our relationships?

 

… Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV

When we feed the thorns, we will reap insecurity every time. But, if we feed the roots, that is the truths of God’s Word, we’ll reap peace, kindness, and joy.

QUESTION 3 (Q3): What is a thorn that is reaping insecurity in your life? What does God’s Word say about your worth?

 

A man’s pride will bring him low,
But a humble spirit will obtain honor. Proverbs 29:23 NASB

“Pride is the “great thief” because it steals relationships, personal growth, and joy – just to name a few.”

“Pride is also essentially the fear of others seeing that we don’t actually have it all together or figured out. It’s an air we put on to distract others form knowing us authentically, and it blocks our ability to be vulnerable.”

QUESTION 4 (Q4): How does pride keep us from deeper, authentic friendships? What is the remedy for pride?

 

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 NIV

QUESTION 5 (Q5): What are some ways fear robs us? How can we overcome fear?

 

(BONUS)

QUESTION 6 (Q6): What is something that has stood out to you in your study this week?

 

Assignments for the Week:

  • Pray for the Holy Spirit to reveal truth and wisdom to You from God’s Word and to transform your heart.
  • Read Week 3 from the member book.
  • Attend a small group.
  • Participate in daily activities in the Heart to Heart Facebook group.

 

How This Works

  • Register by leaving a comment below. Tell us where you are from and what you hope to glean from this study.
  • Subscribe to this site to receive future updates by email. Enter your email address in the field to the right, and then click the subscribe button.
  • Join our closed Facebook group, Heart to Heart Women’s Bible Study, for weekly interaction, activities, videos, and small group sessions. Closed means that no one will be able to see our posts unless they are members of the group. This is for your safety and privacy.
  • Small Groups: There will be a schedule for small groups pinned to the top of the Facebook group, Heart to Heart Women’s Bible Study, as we get closer to the time. All you need to do is show up at the scheduled day and time, and the discussion will take place underneath the group photo.

 

Reading Schedule

  • May 1-7, Study Week 1: Why Do We Need Girlfriends and Where Do We find Them?
    • Small groups: Introduction. No need to ready anything ahead of time.
  • May 8-14, Study Week 2: Getting Right with God
    • Small groups: Discuss Week 1
  • May 15-21, Study Week 3: Clash of the Titans
    • Small groups: Discuss Week 2
  • May 22-28, Study Week 4: The Forgiveness Business
    • Small groups: Discuss Week 3
  • May 29-June 4, Study Week 5: Blurred Lines
    • Small groups: Discuss Week 4
  • June 5-11, Study Week 6: Heart Sisters Do’s and Don’ts
    • Small groups: Discuss Week 5
  • June 12-18
    • Small groups: Discuss Week 6

 

I look forward to seeing you in small groups this week!

God bless!

 

 

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