“Peace and prosperity to you, your family, and everything you own!” 1 Samuel 25:6 NLT
Please forgive me if I have offended you in any way. The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty, for you are fighting the Lord’s battles. And you have not done wrong throughout your entire life. 1 Samuel 25:28 NLT
Read 1 Samuel 25.
What do you do when you are stuck in a relationship with a jerk? What does a Godly person do? Do we just lay down and allow ourselves to be a floor mat? While Jesus instructs us to forgive and forgive and forgive, does that mean that we are supposed to just take it when they hurl attacks at us? What if our spouse, or someone close to us, embarrasses us by his/her crude behavior toward others?
By the world’s standards, we would have every right to take matters into our own hands and retaliate. We could teach this person a lesson they would never forget. However, where would that lead? Would it really make things better?
Today, we are going to learn some wonderful relationship advice from a brand-new character in our story, Abigail. Abigail was in just this situation. She was married to a “jumbo-jerk,” Nabal. He was a very wealthy man, but the Bible describes him as harsh and evil. Abigail, on the other hand, was beautiful, intelligent, and kind. I’m not sure how they got together, but I am inspired by the way she behaves, despite his crude ways.
We will learn from Abigail that no matter what anyone else does, we are not responsible for their behavior, but we are accountable for our own. We are still supposed to obey God and do what is right, regardless of anyone else’s behavior. Even when her husband was pure evil, she stayed sweet and allowed God to take care of her husband in His own time. Her faith and obedience will definitely pay off!
During sheep shearing time, David approached Nabal and asked for his help. He and his men were starving and were in need of provisions. Nabal certainly had more than enough to share. David explained that while Nabal’s shepherds were in the wilderness, he and his men protected them and never did any harm to them. David asked for Nabal’s kindness in return.
Nabal’s true colors came into light right away. He has no intention of helping David in any way. I can understand his apprehension to a point, but he had not even a hint of compassion or kindness in him at all.
“Who is this fellow David?” Nabal sneered to the young men. “Who does this son of Jesse think he is? There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters. Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I’ve slaughtered for my shearers and give it to a band of outlaws who come from who knows where?” (verses 10 and 11)
Being a true warrior, David’s first response is to grab his sword and call his men into battle. He wasn’t going to stand for this treatment. However, if David had acted on impulse and allowed his temper to lead the way, the result would have been disastrous. Thankfully, one of Nabal’s servants intervened and prevents a blood bath.
He found Abigail and explained the situation to her. He described how David and his men had been kind to them and had merely requested some assistance. He also told her of how her husband had been cruel and had shouted insults to them. He urged her to think of something quickly before a bloody battle would ensue.
She wasted no time and gathered an ample supply of bread, grain, wine, meat, figs, and other fine foods for the men. She brought them to David and bowed low before him as she presented the supplies.
Now, I want you to really get this next part. Abigail shows true humility and strength of womanhood in her demeaner toward David. As she bowed, she took the blame for what had happened. It was NOT her fault, and she was not responsible for her husband’s actions, but out of love and consideration, she humbly took the blame in order to soften the atmosphere and prevent an explosion of egotistical tempers that were about to ignite.
I am amazed at how sweet she remained, even while she was covering for her evil husband’s behavior.
Understand, she does not have to do this. It is not our responsibility to cover up for someone else’s wrong choices. When we do, we are enabling their bad behavior. However, we do have the obligation to remain Christ-like in all our dealings. In this specific situation, she was more concerned with diffusing a fight than she was about teaching her husband a lesson.
Does being Christ-like mean that we are always nice? Not necessarily. Sometimes love must be tough. Remember when Jesus turned the tables over in the temple? This shows that there is a time for righteous anger and bold action. How many times did God lead his people into battle against evil nations? As Christians, we do not have to be syrupy sweet all the time or be taken advantage of. However, when we have the opportunity to demonstrate genuine love and humility, we must be all over it!
Yet, the question remains; would Christ have covered for Nabal? Well, didn’t he cover for us when he died for us and saved us by his grace? We were guilty, yet he stood in our place and took the blame for us, very much like Abigail did in place of her husband, and Christ declared us “Not guilty!” Praise the Lord!
I am so impressed with Abigail as she stood before David and was so kind to him. I especially liked something she said to him about her husband, “I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don’t pay any attention to him. He is a fool, just as his name suggests…” (verse 25)
At least she didn’t sugar-coat it!
She also asked David to forgive her if she has offended her in any way. Forgive her? She hasn’t done anything! However, this is another lesson we can learn in our dealings with other people. My husband says that the one who has done the least in the situation should be the first one to apologize and ask for forgiveness. It is not about accepting blame, but it is being the bigger person to open up communication toward reconciliation. It is the right thing to do, and she understood that.
Abigail requested that David rethink his plan to kill her husband and fight his men. David was so touched by her sweetness, that he was happy to comply. Honey attracts more bees than vinegar!
Meanwhile, Nabal was throwing a huge party, which was traditional for sheep shearing time. He was drunk as a skunk! In the morning when he was sober, Abigail told him all that had happened. As a result, he had a stroke, or maybe a heart attack, and he went into a coma. His coma lasted for 10 days, and then the Word says that God struck him dead.
This is a perfect example of the benefit of allowing God to handle the jerks in our lives instead of taking matters into our own hands. I am not saying that God will always strike them dead, but I am saying that God will right the wrong and take care of the situation in His perfect way and His perfect timing. His ways are always best!
Do you like happy endings? When David heard that Nabal was dead, he took Abigail as his own wife, and she finally found happiness with a Godly man. I won’t go into the fact that she would only be part of a harem, but at least she is finally in a relationship with someone who has a heart after God’s heart!
