But David kept thinking to himself, “Someday Saul is going to get me. The best thing I can do is escape to the Philistines. Then Saul will stop hunting for me in Israelite territory, and I will finally be safe.” 1 Samuel 27:1 NLT
Read 1 Samuel 27.
Have you ever been in a relationship where someone repeatedly disrespected or hurt you, but then with genuine remorse they apologized and asked for another chance? However, when you showed mercy, the bad behavior began all over again. This toxic cycle of hurt-apologize-forgive-reconcile-hurt-again repeats over and over.
In your heart, you know this person will continue this unhealthy pattern, yet you also know that Jesus Himself said in His Word that we are to be generous forgivers, even 70 times 7 times!
Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! Matthew 18:21-22 NLT
But, does this mean we must lie down as a door mat and allow someone to repeatedly wipe their muddy boots all over us? Is that what Jesus means?
David sets a prime example for us in today’s chapter. We learned yesterday of how David refused to harm God’s anointed, but he shows wisdom in the next chapter by fleeing to another country where Saul will never be able to lay a hand on him. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to set boundaries to protect ourselves, even after we have forgiven.
I am all for forgiving over and over as Jesus said. I have learned to let things go and allow myself to have peace instead of mulling in resentment and bitterness. To forgive does not mean that you are saying that what this person did, or continues to do against you is OK. David never said that Saul’s multiple attempts to murder him were OK with him. He recognized Saul as his enemy, even though David continued to treat him with respect and kindness.
Forgiveness also does not mean that you are minimizing your hurt or loss, or that you are pretending it never happened. David cried out to God all throughout the book of Psalms and agonized about how he had been treated. He never glossed over the attacks against him or pretended it didn’t hurt.
We will also see that forgiving someone is not letting them off the hook or allowing them to get away with their wickedness. David trusted God to make things right, and he often prayed that God would repay his enemies.
Forgiveness is to put it in God’s hands to administer justice, and then choosing to be at peace about the situation. We need to pray for our enemies and show kindness toward them, but remember, forgiveness is more for us than it is for the one we are forgiving.
That is exactly what David did. He forgave and put the responsibility of retribution in God’s hands. He would never have taken revenge. Rather, he continued to show respect for the man who was trying to kill him.
Since we have covered what forgiveness is and isn’t, we can then understand more clearly the benefit of David setting a boundary between himself and Saul. While David did not fight to protect himself, he did put some distance between them for protection. He was not going to allow himself to be in a position that Saul could ever attempt to assassinate him again.
That brings us back to the original question. What if we have someone who repeats the cycle of mistreating us again and again, yet we continue to forgive because we are trying to be obedient to God? Yes, we are correct to forgive as Christ commands, but in the process, let us remember all the things that forgiveness is not, and then establish some boundaries.
It is completely appropriate to draw a line in the sand, so to speak, and not allow the person to cross. You can pray for this person and show kindness. You may speak blessing to and about them as instructed in the Word. But, you have every right to say, “No! You will not hurt me anymore!” and you have every right to put some distance between the two of you to prevent it from happening again.
Ironically, David sought asylum in a town of the Philistines. Yes, the very same Philistines he had defeated and many of which he had killed in battle! The king gave David, his men, and their families the town of Ziglag, and that is where he settled for a time.
While there, David showed loyalty to King Achish of the Philistines by leading them into battle against their enemies. Surely, King Saul thought he was finally rid of his rival! We shall see…
