From Faith Dare, Day 30: When It Depends on You
(Disclaimer: Please do not read anything in to this that is not there. This is written in general terms only, and it is not targeted to anyone personal or specific. This is my response to Day 30 of my Bible study, The Faith Dare. It contains wonderful advice from Scripture for restoring relationships, and my intention is to help everyone who reads this take steps toward healing areas of brokenness in their lives. Enjoy and be blessed!)
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| My sisters and I attacking our mom! Relationships like this are worth a little humility and a lot work, and all bathed in love. We are very close because we have learned the lessons here. This really works! |
Today’s Truth Is Speaking to Me…
Two of the biggest roadblocks to healing and reconciling relationships are stubbornness and pride. We all want to win the fight, to be the one who is right, to receive vindication for all the sweat and tears that we invested in the conflict. We do not want to lose the upper hand in our relationships.
Who wants to budge and make the first move? Does that mean we are admitting fault and conceding victory? Why give in when it is clear that the other person is the one at fault? We can never do that, can we? After all, we have our pride to think about!
The unfortunate dilemma here is that the price to keep our pride, our upper hand, our right to be right, is sadly the loss of precious friendships or closeness in our family relationships. Is it really worth the loss of a valuable relationship in order to avoid having our pride bruised just a bit?
Regardless of right or wrong, or who started the conflict, we need to be willing to take a huge swallow of that nasty pill of pride and take the first step toward restoration. It does not matter how the other person reacts, if they are remorseful, or even if they accept our attempts at reconciliation. The important thing is that we make the first move out of obedience to Scripture. Romans 12:18-21 expresses so perfectly what our responsibility as Christ’s disciples is in our relationships and interactions with others.
“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,“I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,”
says the Lord.20 Instead,“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.”21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.” Romans 12:18-21 NLT
Forgive completely and then restore the person in a spirit of meekness. You may need to discuss some difficult topics, but you may also need to just let some things go. Keep a matter-of-fact tone, and do not let emotions take control of the situation. You may have to establish boundaries of safety as well in order to reconcile and establish peaceful coexistence. Be mindful of what you say and how you say it, and do not rehash issues over and over again. Once it is behind you, keep it there.
Keep in mind that we may not even be able to fully restore the relationship. The other person may not be receptive. However, that does not give us an excuse to be disobedient. We must continue to pray, to be kind, and to show love. We are responsible for our part, and then we leave the rest in God’s hands. He will deal with their hearts, but we will have peace that we have done all that we can do.
Ultimately, it is about yielding our hearts and wills completely to the Lord. When we love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, our hearts will mesh in unity with His heart. His will becomes our will. Therefore, it is more than merely making the first move to restore friendships, but it is about having a pure and obedient heart before God. We will then have the desire to approach relationships in a way that pleases and honors God. There is just no room for stubbornness and pride in a heart full of God’s love!
Begin with a sincere and wholehearted examination of the deepest recesses of our hearts, and ask the Holy Spirit to “search us; cleanse us; fill us; and use us.” (paraphrased from Debbie Alsdorf) Then we will be in the place to follow His commands, regardless of the hurt. He will heal and empower us and fill us with His love. We will become focused on the things that truly matter instead of being consumed by anger, bitterness, hurt, and pride.
Let us pray this prayer together:
“Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalms 139: 23-24 NIV
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalms 139: 23-24 NIV
Now, sit back and enjoy my video teaching about making the first move in restoring relationships.
God is asking me to…
- Pray for and speak blessing to and about specific people God has put on my heart. Even if they are terribly wrong, I will leave it in God’s hands to handle. My responsibility is only to bless them and love them.
- When I have an enemy or a strained relationship, I must pray, be humble, forgive, be kind, speak well of and to, bless, and love sincerely.
My challenge is to…
- *Keep balance. I cannot allow other people’s sour spirits to harm me, my family, or my church. I must stand against wrong behavior, but bring correction only in love and submission to spiritual authority. I must maintain a Christ-like and obedient attitude at all times.
- Continue to do what is right and keep a God-pleasing attitude even when others hurt, blame, or mistreat me or someone I love.
- Not make excuses. Other people’s behaviors, words, or attitudes are never an excuse to disobey God.
(*Keep in mind that I am speaking in general terms here and not about anything or anyone specific. I just want to emphasize the importance of keeping balance and addressing issues when needed. While I talk of restoration, and I teach that all things must be done out of love, my intention was to counterbalance with the fact that it does not negate the need for correction or loving confrontation at times. It is all part of the Scriptural mix for building Godly relationships.)
Today’s Prayer (by Debbie Alsdorf)
Lord, I want all that you have for me. I realize that to honor You means that I must be open to allowing You to flow through me with our love and care for others. I desire to be Your touch in this world that I live in. Make my life a heart print of Your most Holy Spirit and a reflection of Your pure and unselfish love for others. Do in me what I cannot do on my own.
Favorite Quotes (from The Faith Dare, by Debbie Alsdorf)
“We want our way, want to be right, want to win the fight, and want to be in control. Unfortunately, when we live like this, the life and love of Christ do not flow out of us as they should.”
“When we are empty spiritually, we have nothing left to give.”
“Sometimes it is not possible to make peace. Often others refuse it. But that refusal doesn’t get us off the hook. We must do our part, make the first move, do what would bring peace and healing in the relationship.”
“We need to surrender our hearts, attitudes, and words to God in practical ways – practical ways that will stretch us, even when our pride does not want it. Especially then.”
“Search me.Cleanse me.Fill me.Use me.”
“Commit, or entrust, to God the details of your life and your day… the practical stuff.”
