There we were, sitting right next to each other, yet in completely different worlds. Isn’t that the typical married couple in just about any American living room?
My husband, ever the political guru, sat on one end of the couch, engrossed in the Republican debates. How could he not? With one particular candidate in the race, the debates have become more of an insult-slinging cage fight rather than a dignified debate of issues and principles. I had grown so tired of the political rhetoric, so I turned my focus to creating images for my ministry pages on social media.
While we were each fully immersed into our own worlds, the thought occurred to me that I had hardly spoken to or shown affection to my husband all evening. To each of us, it was as if the other was not even there. My husband would need to go to bed soon since he leaves for work hours before sunrise. I couldn’t possibly just let him go all by himself without some lovin’.
However, I didn’t want to be needy or to interrupt him. That would surely be a turn off! So, what could I do? I needed to be a bit creative and to think about his love language. He is a physical touch kind of guy, so that is where I would start.
I sat in the floor and leaned on the side of the couch next to him. Without saying a word, I simply began massaging his feet. As his eyes began to roll back in his head, and he gave a little chuckle of ecstasy, I knew I had made a connection with his heart. He responded in like, and we had some great snugging right there in front of Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Donald Trump themselves! Of course, the TV was soon turned off, and the rest is history!
I learned some valuable lessons right then and there that I want to share with you. If you feel like you and your husband are living in two separate worlds, and those worlds are worlds apart, these suggestions may help you bring those worlds back together into one.
1. Take initiative. One of the complaints I hear most often from women is that they feel ignored by their husbands, and they wish their men would give them more affection. However, the problem is often that they are so focused on what they need from their husbands that they have a hard time seeing what they can do for their husbands. I am not talking about a one sided deal where one feels taken advantage of. I acknowledge that there are some unfulfilled wives and dysfunctional marriages that need repair, but generally speaking, a little wifely initiative can go a long way! Instead of waiting, make the first move.
2. Take advantage of the opportunity. I could have just let it go. It certainly would have been easier! But, how often have we regretted the missed opportunities that can gradually turn into days, weeks, and even years, and then we wonder how in the world our marriages became so distant and unfulfilling? I know it is easier to just be lazy and go our own way some days, but our marriages are worth the effort. Don’t let too much time go by without making a significant connection with your man. Take advantage of every opportunity you can to plant and nurture good seeds in your marriage. You will reap a bountiful harvest!
3. Learn what makes him tick. What makes your man feel loved and cherished? Instead of being demanding or becoming bitter because he doesn’t give you what you want, think about what flips his switches. It is my pleasure and honor to understand that I am the only one in the whole world who has the right to meet his sexual needs and his need for affection. I have made a commitment to make him the happiest man he can possibly be. So, I have had to learn a few things, and I continue to do so. Learn all you can, and it will definitely come back around!
4. Take a gentle and meek approach. “But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” 1 Peter 3:4 ESV. This verse does not mean that you cannot be strong, or that you have to lose your personality, but a gentle, feminine sweetness is an attractive quality. When you feel like reacting in anger, or you have the urge to be controlling, take a step back and try a gentle approach instead. You can still be firm yet gentle at the same time. Gentleness deflects anger and echoes the same tone right back.
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1 NLT
5. Choose to love. If love were merely a feeling, it would come and go on a whim. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the chemistry of what made us fall in love in the beginning would last forever? However, it just doesn’t. God designed for love to grow deeper over time instead of keeping us in the whimsical, fairy-tale state of romance indefinitely. God’s plan is for our marriage to be an illustration of the relationship between Christ and the church. Many become disillusioned when the fire begins to fizzle, and they are tempted to throw in the towel. This involves either giving up and getting out or settling for a lifetime of distance in their marriage. Wouldn’t it be far better to love each other as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it? Love is a choice. Love is action. Love is a Fruit of the Holy Spirit.
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. Ephesians 5:21-23 NLT
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:11 ESV
I am sure there are numerous additional tactics to try, but these are the ones that God put on my heart for now. Give these a try, and I guarantee you will see wonderful results in your marriage! May you find your way back to each other, and may your two worlds again become one!
God bless!
