Relish life with the spouse you love
Each and every day of your precarious life.
Each day is God’s gift. It’s all you get in exchange
For the hard work of staying alive.
Make the most of each one! Ecclesiastes 9:9 MSG
My mother often reminded me growing up that her relationship with my dad was her first priority, even above us kids. She also told us girls often that we should invest even more in keeping our marriages vibrant than we did to “catch” our husbands in the first place. That did not mean that she neglected the needs of her children, but she made a point of keeping their marriage strong and to enjoy her time with him every day. We learned from watching them that marriage takes a life-long effort to be successful; it doesn’t just happen passively. My parents were a prime example to us for having a genuinely happy marriage. I want that! I want that for you too!
Always remember that we are living our lives in front of our children. The kind of marriage we model for them will greatly affect the kind of marriage they will have some day. Show them that even though it can be hard work, it is worth it. Marriage can be enjoyed for real! Even though we may go through some overwhelming storms at times, when we hold tight together, we will weather the storms and come out stronger than before. Someday when we look back over the course of our marriages, we can have joyful memories to sweeten those difficult seasons, and here are four ways to make that happen:
1. Date Night. This is a must! No matter how busy your schedule is or how tight your budget is, this must be a priority. Having a day or evening to look forward to each week is a perfect cure for the mundane, and it will help you get through the stress of the week without becoming bogged down. Do something you both enjoy, but once in awhile, do something that your husband especially enjoys, even if it is not your cup of tea. Going to a sporting event or to a guy movie and having a genuinely good time, for example, is like stoking the embers of the fire. It’s like adding another log to the romantic fire of your marriage. I guarantee, this will make your marriage sizzle!
Making the effort to dress up a little and look your best for each other will help you get out of that frump rut too. We can all get a little too comfortable, and even lazy around each other when we are consumed with the daily grind, but date night gives us incentive to let our men see our best once in awhile.
Date night does not have to be expensive. Sometimes my husband and I just order a pizza and watch a movie on TV when money is tight. However, at other times, we believe that date night is worth a little bit of a financial sacrifice because of what it does for our marriage. Go ahead and splurge once in awhile! Regardless, the important thing is to spend focused time together and enjoy each other’s company. Most importantly, use this time to let your husband know he is still your knight-in-shining-armor, your Prince Charming, and the man of your dreams. Keep romance alive and invest in your marriage. Have fun!
2. Couch Time. It is so easy to get stuck in the mode of conversations centering around car pools, work stress, financial troubles, and the latest mess our kids have gotten into. We can be so busy with the routines of life that relaxing with the one we love seems to be the one thing we can never find time to do. My husband and I have made it a mandatory rule that we will have at least a few minutes of couch time every single day. It doesn’t take long! On the couch, we give each other our undivided attention and truly listen to each other. Often we simply sip coffee and talk. Sometimes we watch a movie too, but not until we had some time to communicate first. We start with small talk, but once you have gotten into the habit of talking, it is easier to go into deeper levels of conversation. We don’t want to keep it always heavy or always light. All marriages need both kinds of conversation. It will really bring you closer together!
3. Recreational Intimacy. I mentioned this on the date night category, but it is worth its own category as well. This one is all about fun! My husband and I have learned how wonderful it is for our marriage to find something we both enjoy doing and to do it together. Playing games together is one of the best ways to interact in a playful way and build intimacy on a much needed recreational level. Our favorite things to do are to go to Braves baseball games, movies, plays, or concerts. These are things we both love, and we feel so engergized and happy when we can share these things together. We also enjoy doing things the other one likes, even when it is not nessarily our favorite activity. For example, I may be a horrible golfer, but I would enjoy golfing with him because he loves it so much. He will also endure trips to the museum because he enjoys seeing how much I love it. We just love hanging out and having fun. All marriages need that! This builds the friendship facet of your marriage, which tightens intimacy, which in turn strengthens the romantic aspect. It is all interrelated!
4. The Bedroom. How sad that so many couples get too busy to make time for this important part of marriage, or they become disillusioned because it hasn’t measured up to their expectations. Often, couples simply give up and learn to do without physical intimacy. Please don’t give up! There are so many resources out there. Make this a priority and give this area of your marriage over to the One who created it in the first place. He can help you! I have learned that when I do all I can to make it wonderful for my husband, that is when it is most wonderful for me. Just think; you are the only person in the whole world who has the right and the responsibility to fulfill your mate sexually. No one else! Think of it as a ministry, and make your man know that he is the most loved man in the entire universe!
I have learned to not only never say no without a very good reason, but to also take the initiative more often and to always be an active participant. If you are not in the mood, you can easily get in the mood by setting your mind. Your brain is the most important organ of intimacy, and your thoughts can either turn on or turn off your libido. Give hints throughout the day to get him thinking about it. Let him know that you want him and that you have a wonderful evening in store for him. Then, follow through! Believe me, it will be reciprocated!
The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NLT
If you are not married, these are principles you can chalk up in your mental notes for future reference. However, if you are married but unhappy, I have some thoughts to share with you: What If You Are Disappointed with Your Marriage? See #12 for dealing with more serious issues.
God bless you all and your marriages!
Today’s Challenge: Kiss him like you mean it!
