How to Go from Doubt and Anger to Trust and Joy

“If this is how You lead my life, I can do a better job myself!” This was my spiritually lowest moment as I shook my fist at heaven and shouted at God.

I had taken some bold steps of faith for the sake of ministry, and I felt entitled to some favors from God for my sacrifices. At the time, I was unaware of how foolish my perceived “deal” with God was, but isn’t that how we think sometimes? “Look, God, I have done all these things for You, so I expect things to go smoothly in my life.” Is that how it works?

Had I really sacrificed so much? Had I truly been so faithful? Especially compared to the sacrifice Christ made for me! Does God’s provision and favor depend upon my works? Before I go on any further, I will admit that there are blessings for obedience and consequences for my choices. However, it doesn’t always go that way. There are times we are afflicted by a direct attack from Satan, and often our suffering is a result of our own foolish choices. Sometimes, however, it just “rains on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45)

A study of the book of Job illustrates that someone completely blameless before God can still lose everything and suffer enormously. Suffering is not necessarily related to a person’s actions or worth, and healing is not based on merit or works either. This was something I had yet to learn!

Years earlier, in a youth service, I remember wholeheartedly committing my heart to God and my entire life to full time ministry. I was so sincere and passionate! However, I eventually married someone who didn’t share that same passion, and the marriage was in constant turmoil. My life was a wreck! I was so angry at God for allowing me to be stuck in this misery when I had given my life to Him. I just didn’t get it!

I could recount a number of instances in which I had given something up that I wanted in order to be obedient to what I felt God wanted me to do. I had even left a home and church that I so dearly loved and moved far away from family and friends in order to serve in ministry. During that time, I continued to suffer losses and heartbreak from one turn to another. It was at that point that I had become so disappointed with God that I was ready to walk away from my faith altogether.

I remained bitter for months and slipped into the deepest darkest depression that I had ever known. During this season, I blamed God for all my maladies and felt that every single thing that had happened to me was a direct result of my trying to obey Him. It just didn’t make sense to me at all!

During that course of about 10 months, my emotions shifted from anger and rebellion toward God, to desperately crying out to Him out of my pain. I wasn’t hearing any answers, however, and I began doubting that there even is a God.

Eventually, I remember driving to my favorite spot at the lake where I had spent many hours crying and moaning before, and I finally had a break through. I felt the Holy Spirit soothing me and speaking to my heart. He began showing me how the suffering I had endured was actually part of the process He was using to tenderize my heart and build compassion within me. I had gone through a major character overhaul through the course of the past year, and this crisis of faith had caused me to dig more deeply than I ever had before. God was testing and purging me, but I wouldn’t fully understand it until years later. However, I had finally begun to see that He really was working in my situation.

God was using this season to show me things about His character as well. He was revealing things about Himself that I would not have understood any other way, such as His ability to heal and restore. How could I ever know Him as my problem solver if I never had a problem? How would I ever know Him as my healer if I never needed healing? He was showing me how He can use affliction and suffering to bring about good in my life and glory to His name. Out of anger and doubt, I eventually found an intimacy with my Lord that grew deeper and stronger than ever before.

On that day at the lake, I remember falling on my face before God and just giving up on my stubborn pride and rebellion. I would no longer question God’s goodness, because I was now convinced that God really is good all the time! Instead of knowing it because I had heard it or read it, I now knew it because I had experienced it firsthand. I began proclaiming the majesty and worth of our wonderful God, and I worshiped with all my heart. I released all the bitterness and surrendered all that I am to Him. I made a conscious choice to trust and serve God with everything that is in me.

Years later, I began to see specific moments in ministry that God had used my former pain to be able to relate and minister to others. It took a long time for me to make sense of how God can use suffering in our lives, but maturity often comes through struggle.

David’s words in Psalm 119:71 truly applied to me:

My suffering was good for me,
for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.

Modern day ministers have much to say about this concept. On one hand, one group of teaching says that God will never do or allow anything that makes us uncomfortable or bring pain. We have favor and privilege as His children, and whatever we touch or claim in the name of Jesus will work in our favor. However, this thinking is skewed and causes false expectations and disillusionment to many. If we rely on Scripture to establish our beliefs, on the other hand, we will not be so easily shaken when life’s trials come our way.

Let’s look at a few Scripture passages that will help us have a balanced perspective:

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4 NIV

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 NIV

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:6-7 NLT

Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world… So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you. 1 Peter 4:12-13,19 NLT

 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 1 Peter 5:10 NLT

 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18 NIV

For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him. Philippians 1:29 NLT

Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 NIV

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12 ESV

Though he slay me, I will hope in him… James 13:15 ESV

For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and he has not hidden his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to him. Psalm 12:24 ESV

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 ESV

To all who mourn in Israel
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory…

Instead of shame and dishonor,
you will enjoy a double share of honor.
You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours. Isaiah 61:3,7 NLT

If you are going through a trial or are experiencing pain in your life, be encouraged. Suffering may be an unfortunate part of this life, but no matter the source, God will heal, restore, and turn it around for your good. We only see a small piece of the puzzle now, but He sees the big picture. Understand that He has not forgotten you! Ultimately, He will use it to make us more like Him and to bring Him glory. Just don’t give up before you get your happy ending! It’s coming, so hang in there!

God bless!