Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12 ESV
I sat in my husband’s office at the church all alone and just cried. What was wrong with me? Fall Festival was right around the corner, and it was going to be so much fun! It was my job to plan and direct the festivities. Normally, I would be ecstatic about being in the middle of all the excitement, but this time, I felt nothing but dread. I dragged through the planning and organizing before conducting the meeting for volunteers, but at least I got things done.
In the meeting, I found myself fighting back grumpiness and irritability behind my plastic smile. Again, what was wrong with me? These were ladies that I loved and normally looked forward to spending time with; yet, I had become weary from hearing excuses and criticism. I was beginning to entertain feelings of resentment. Again, I am usually not one to let these things bother me, but the capacity to extend grace and mercy to others had eluded me for the time being.
You must understand that this is not typical of me at all! I love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and I love serving in full time ministry! I truly love our people! However, for some reason, I had temporarily lost my joy.
Does this sound like anything you have ever experienced? Have you ever lost yourself in a cloudy-headed daze, unable to concentrate or remember things? Do you know what it is like to become overwhelmed and burnt out? Have you ever lost your joy for the very thing you love more than anything else? How is that possible? Well, my solution was nearer than I expected, and yours is too!
Days after my meltdown, my husband and I were off to a minister’s retreat in a secluded cabin in the North Georgia Mountains. I don’t think I have ever looked forward to anything more than this! I was desperate! Interestingly, we chose the weekend when the hurricane had stalled over South Carolina and flooded the eastern half of the State. We were caught in the fury of that storm and were unable to go anywhere for a couple of days. Instead of hiking, horse-back riding, or touring the gold mines, we stayed in our cabin and had invaluable time alone with the Lord. God used this perfect timing to get our attention and draw us close to Him. It was exactly what we needed!
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| The view from the deck on our cabin |
I shared my feelings with my husband, and what a nut-case I had become, and he was worried about me. He began praying and seeking God for how to help his poor, pitiful wife. Later, he asked me a question that caused the light bulb to go off in my head. He noted that I was doing 2 to 4 hours of Bible study almost every day, yet how much was I doing just for me? In other words, I had fallen into the rut of studying like it was a job instead of cultivating a fresh passion for the presence of the Lord. I wasn’t fully engaging. Somehow, I had found a way to saturate myself in Bible study yet at the same time neglect my personal relationship with the Lord.
Have you ever caught yourself doing that? Do you wonder if that is even possible?
This is a trap many pastors and ministry leaders fall into. They often study for the next lesson they will teach, sermon they will preach, or Bible study they will lead, and they neglect spending time with God for personal intimacy and growth. Even though they are serving faithfully, they begin pouring out disproportionately from how much they are being filled.
And, that was me! He hit the nail on the head!
My husband helped me notice the pattern. As the pastor’s wife of a small church, I have a tendency to take on way too much at times. I began listing all that I do, and it really is too much. I try to delegate, and we do have some very hard workers that carry much of the load. We just don’t have the man power to do all of these things well, and I have trouble letting things go.
Aside from the church work, I am also a ministry leader with Women’s Bible Café, and I am in the process of building my own online ministry. I absolutely love doing these things so much! However, I had become critically unbalanced.
While my children are all grown, and that frees me up for full time ministry, I can see my husband and my home suffering at times from neglect. My own health is suffering as a consequence of neglect as well. Every bit of that stems from lack of balance.
I believe that when God calls us, He has a plan for us to carry it out. He has provided His Holy Spirit to strengthen, guide, comfort, and empower us. I don’t think that plan ever includes becoming burnt out and cranky or neglecting our health, homes, or families. He never intended for us to do this alone or on our own feeble strength. He tells us to come to Him when we are weary and burdened, and He will give us rest. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. If that is true, then it defies that unbalanced lifestyle I was living. It was time for me to run to him for comfort, strength, and renewal.
That weekend, I did feel like I had a breakthrough in my situation. What else can you do while stranded in a cabin in the middle of nowhere? However, I don’t believe this was to be a one-time thing. I could return home and not be any different if I continued the pattern I had been on. It was time for me to create a new habit. Even with all the Bible study, I need to have a fresh quiet time with my Lord every day to draw strength and gain direction for the day. I need to revamp my prayer and praise life. I had severely neglected that and hadn’t even noticed it until my husband heard from God on my behalf.
- Many of you reading this are also ministry leaders and have experienced this lack of balance.
- A good majority of you are moms who feel like you constantly give and give without having a quiet moment to yourself to even breathe, let alone seek the Lord.
- For those of you with vocational callings, your calling is every bit as valuable to the Kingdom of God as one in full time ministry. You are the ones who influence people where they really are. You have the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a very practical sense. Yet, you too can lose your joy in all the busyness.
In each of these three examples, we all have the same need. We must break out of an unbalanced lifestyle of pouring out more than we are pouring in. It’s that simple.
If you have lost your joy, are overwhelmed, exhausted, or burnt out, the answer is in seeking God first and foremost. Spend time praising Him daily and enjoying His presence on a personal level, not just for the sake of ministry. Draw strength from Him. Allow Him to lead you into balanced living.
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 NASBBut seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 ESVI am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5 NIV
May God bless you as you discover the joy of His presence fresh and new!
Shari
I hope this encourages you. It's like a constant Mary and Martha struggle. How wonderful to sit at His feet and draw strength!
Thank you. I hope it was encouraging to you!
Thank you for the encouragement. Even after writing this, I still need to remind myself of that Scripture. Oh, how wonderful to dwell in the presence of the Lord!
I can relate I often have to remind myself
Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31
Thank you once again for your transparancy <3
Nice, and so true.
Thank you for writing this. It truly expresses parts of a season in my life right now.