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| This is me at 120-30 pounds overweight. It’s time to do something about it! |
Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires… Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. Romans 6:12, 16 NLT
I’m going to go a completely different direction with my blog for a while. My passion has been to share insights with you that I have contemplated through my study of Scripture and of life experiences. However, now I am going to just be real with you and share an intimately personal struggle. I know I am not alone, and perhaps this journey will inspire others to make positive life changes while at the same time holding me accountable.
I have struggled with my weight and an eating disorder for years. Whew! I feel freer just letting that out in the open. Well, it is actually already out in the open because anyone can see that I have gained about as much weight as a whole person! Of all secret sins, overeating is one that cannot stay hidden for long. I feel so ashamed and frustrated!
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| I hate this picture, but it works perfectly for my before picture. I can’t wait to hold it next to my after picture! |
Call it self-medicating, coping, or whatever the excuse, I know that I have allowed it to become an idol. I have allowed it take control of my life. It is plainly sin, and I am reaping the consequences.
Understand that I am not a legalist. I know that my relationship with God is fully intact, and I am 100% forgiven because of the price Christ paid for me. However, to continue in sin without repentance drives a wedge in my relationship with God, and prevents me from fulfilling God’s purpose for my life. I know that God accepts and loves me, but I also know that He disciplines me because He loves me and wants what is best for me. I have played tug-of-war with the Holy Spirit’s conviction for far too long, and my heart is grieving to know that I have allowed something to hinder my walk with Him. I just can’t do this any longer!
I can’t help but feel that I am dishonoring my Creator by not respecting and cherishing what He has created. I want my body to be a prime example of His handiwork so that He will be glorified with my life. I know that He understands my weaknesses and compensates with His strength, but to be a living sacrifice for His glory is a form of worship to Him.
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Romans 12:1 ESV
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| Big mama! |
Putting the spiritual aspect aside for a moment, I could go on and on with the physical negative consequences I am enduring as well:
- · Poor health, no energy, constant intense pain, high sugar, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc.
- · Nerve damage
- · Lack of confidence and insecurity which has had an effect on virtually every area of my life.
- · Self-consciousness around my husband and uncomfortable physical relationship
- · Mal-nutrition leading to multi-nodular goiters and removal of thyroid, which in turn lead to paralysis of a vocal nerve. That led to constant choking when eating and drinking and being unable to sing for three years. Although I have been healed, my voice has never returned to its former quality. I allowed my poor eating to rob me of the thing I have always loved to do best.
- · Foggy thinking and memory
- · Poor dental health and having to spend a fortune to correct teeth
- · Struggle with guilt
- · Possible shortened life span and lessened quality of life
- · Miserable sweating and overheating
Have I painted the picture of how miserable I am with my weight and poor habits yet? For the most part, I am a joyful and fulfilled person in so many areas of my life. I thank God that I am so blessed! However, I want to show my appreciation by living a life of freedom and longevity since Christ came to set us free and give us an abundant life. No longer do I intend to continue in this bondage!
My moment of realization hit the strongest during the week of Vacation Bible School. I hadn’t realized just how out of shape I had become until I tried to do choreography with the kids. I had to constantly take Advil just to get through the week, and all the panting and sweating was really embarrassing! I also made up my mind that when my grandson wants to play dinosaurs, I am going to have the energy and stamina to enjoy playing with him.
So, here comes the moment of truth. I don’t want to say how much I weigh, but I’ll give you some clues. I weigh 90 pounds more today than when I was nine months pregnant with my daughter. I am approximately 130 pounds overweight. So, you see, I am not talking about a few uncomfortable pounds. I am talking about morbid obesity!
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| I want to have confidence to sing without being self-conscious. |
I refuse to depend on surgical procedures, fad diets, or medications. My goal is to restore health, and I want to do it in a healthy way. I know that I am horribly addicted to sugar, and that is where I need to start.
My plan is to omit sugar completely until I can manage allowing an occasional treat in moderation. I will also follow a diabetic formula of thinking of percentages with each of my meals: 50% vegetables, 25% protein, and 25% whole grain or starchy veggies. Of course, there is room for healthy amounts of monounsaturated fats as well. In between, I will drink plenty of water and snack of fruit and nuts. I will learn to pay attention to true hunger and eat in moderation. I will not follow this rigidly or legalistically, but I will obey the conviction of the Holy Spirit to take care of His temple.
Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself. 1 Corinthians 6:19 NLT
I also cannot do this without including exercise. Since I am so out of shape and in a lot of pain, I will have to approach this gradually. I am committed to walking and beginning an Ann Jillian program for beginners. I can’t wait to get back in shape!
I will share pictures and progress reports with you along the way. I hope this inspires you to make some positive changes as well. There is strength in numbers. Share with me, and we will go through this journey together!
Here is to optimum health!
Shari Lewis
I'm sorry I didn't see your comment sooner. I started moderating comments so I wouldn't miss any, but I still missed some.
It's a vicious cycle, isn't it? My son just got married, and I was so disappointed that I didn't lose some weight beforehand. Praying for success in reaching your goal! God bless you and heal you as we both learn how to be fully satisfied in Him rather than searching for comfort from food. 🙂
Thank you Shari! I also suffer from depression and anxiety, which makes me crave comfort food. And whenever I resolve to lose weight, it's like I give myself permission to eat *more*. Self-sabotage. I have a deadline–my daughter's wedding in November. So far the scale has gone up a little rather than down. This has got to stop! Thank you so much for the prayers. You are in mine too.–Donna
Lakecia, that means so much to me! Thank you for the encouragement. It is hard being so open, because now I have no choice but to actually do this thing! There is no turning back now! You have mentioned one of my favorite Scriptures, and I love how that applies to this situation. I can't wait to see how many other women are encouraged through my journey, and I also can't wait to share some real progress! Thank you.
Donna, thank you for the encouragement. I wonder too how different my life would be if I would have maintained my weight. I also have bad knees and hips, and I hate that I have done that to myself. It helps to know that there are others in the same boat, and we can be a tremendous strength to each other. I'll keep you in my prayers as you venture on this journey as well. God bless!
I am so proud of you. You have been vulnerable and have written about an issue that impacts so many people. God is going to turn your ashes into beauty. Stick with your plan and take micro-steps to build your confidence 🙂
Way to go Sharon! I'm in the same boat. It cost me two knees–I have good replacements but wonder what would have happened if I had remained a normal weight. Have you read Made to Crave? Of course, I have it on my bookshelf and Kindle–unread. Walking a lot around Disneyworld helped my fitness tremendously, although I didn't lose weight because of all the eating. However, now I'm home and back to my bad habits. Have been doing Jenny Craig but not very well. A lot of us in this situation. My prayers for you–you can do it, and keeping a blog is good accountability!–Donna from your small group on WBC.