In Sickness and In Health

What a crazy two weeks these have been!  Our plans for the July 4^th holiday were set.  I was so excited to be going to Virginia to visit my family!  But, wouldn’t you know it, two days before we were to leave, my husband had a gall bladder attack and needed immediate surgery.  Actually, his gall bladder had been giving him problems for weeks, but we didn’t know it was anything serious until we could ignore it no longer. 

Yet, our plans did not change.  Two days after surgery, with approval from the doctor, we rolled out of the driveway and headed to Virginia anyway, unaware of what lay ahead.  Since he felt fine, and the surgery had been non-invasive, we were not concerned in the least.  However, by the time we reached North Carolina, my husband’s fever had set in.   We decided to stop for the night, only four hours from my parents’ house, so he could rest.  I was loaded with guilt that we had rushed the trip.  I just knew we should have waited a few days!   But, it was too late to turn back now!

By the time we had arrived at my parents’ house the next day, he was already very ill and went straight to bed.  We called the doctor every day as I watched my husband get progressively worse.  Some vacation!  We were very concerned about an infection setting in, and our doctor urged us to see a local doctor right away.  The Virginia doctor jumped the gun and diagnosed my husband with pneumonia, and he prescribed some very strong antibiotics.  Surely my husband would begin to feel better in just a few days.  He was also treated for several other complications, and it appeared that, finally, we were bound to enjoy a fun 4^th with our family! 

However, when he awoke the morning of the 4^th, he had gotten much worse.  His temperature had risen to 103, and he was unable to take a deep breath without coughing violently.  He was extremely weak and could barely complete a sentence or walk across the house.

We decided to take him to the hospital to treat dehydration and to run a plethora of tests.   It was discovered that he in fact did NOT have pneumonia; so, what was causing such extreme illness?  They kept taking him back for CT Scans, x-rays, blood tests, and we waited, and we waited…

As I sat in the chair next to Jeff’s hospital bed, woefully watching his temperature rising out of control as he lay there in utter misery, I shuttered at the doctor’s words that he feared that my husband could have a pulmonary embolism in addition to a serious infection as a result of his recent surgery.  What started out as just some uncomfortable abdominal pain and a simple, out-patient surgery, turned in to an all out attack on every system of my husband’s body.  It was very scary! 

I asked my mom to join me in the ER room, and she was such a comfort to me.  She reflected on the many times she was in my place during my dad’s numerous health crises, and how the Holy Spirit had given her such comfort and peace when she was afraid. She told me how my dad’s recovery from open heart surgery, cancer treatments, back surgery, and recent massive stroke had forever altered her perspective on marriage and life.  Here is how she put it:

“1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

2. It’s all small stuff.”

She said that facing the near loss of the love of her life, several times as a matter of fact, put everything else in life in its proper perspective.  Suddenly she realized that the thing that Dad had said that hurt her feelings or the inconsiderate thing he did that made her pout now seemed like nothing.  Suddenly, his habits and idiosyncrasies that had at one time been annoying were now endearing and comforting.  All the things that used to easily upset her were suddenly so insignificant.  She had a new lease on life, and believe me, I had noticed the difference! 

I had noticed that in the last twenty years or so, she had become so relaxed and easy going.  She had a new inner peace and unstoppable joy that weren’t as obvious when I was growing up.  Although she has always been a godly woman, she was also a perfectionist and stressed about every detail concerning the house or us kids.   At one time, the things that now seem so small were monumental to her; that is until the Lord used tragic circumstances to soften and relax her mind while at the same time adjusting her perspective. 

She told me that this is the one piece of advice she would give all wives.  If she had learned this early on, it would have saved her much frustration and heartache through the years.  She said that if we as wives could learn to really appreciate what we have, to be truly grateful for God’s blessings, we would not take our men or our lives for granted.  We would not be so upset over trivial things nor allow Satan to get a foothold into our marriages with silly, nonsensical matters.  She had learned to truly enjoy life and to celebrate every day she has with her man, and she wishes that all wives could do the same. 

Now I understand why my mom and dad are so affectionate with each other now.  They still hug and kiss and hold hands and date…  They are more in love now, after 54 years of marriage, than they were as crazy kids in love in the 1950’s.  Perhaps my mom’s advice really works.  It sure looks like it!

Looking back at my husband, I decided that I was going to imitate my mother’s attitude and allow God to quiet my fears and fill me with His peace.  We called our best friends who prayed with us over the phone, and our faith was so strengthened.  Right away, the doctor returned and said that the x-rays and CT scans were completely clean, and there were no embolisms!  We were so relieved, but he was definitely not out of the woods yet!

While we waited, we tried to make the most of the holiday and watched the Independence Day celebration in Washington D.C. from the tiny hospital TV.  We tried not to let it irk us that we were so close to D.C. but could not enjoy the concert and fireworks in person.  This holiday was definitely not going the way we had planned, but we had plenty to celebrate with the doctor’s good news.

The hospital released him around 1:00 AM, and we decided to leave for Georgia in the morning so that Jeff could see his own doctor.  He had improved so much at the hospital, but we were falsely relieved.  On the way home, he became sicker than ever.  I drove and prayed the whole way as I watched him slipping. 

When we got home, we took him to the hospital here, and he was promptly admitted with a severe infection.  By this point, he was septic, and every system of his body was affected.  I could make a list of all the things that were going wrong, but on Monday night as I listened to the doctors and nurses working with him through the night and discussing some scary scenarios, I really needed to hang on to the things my mom had told me earlier.  I didn’t sleep much that night for sure!  His kidneys stopped working; his liver had gone nuts; his blood pressure was dangerously low; and he looked like an engorged tick from such extreme swelling.  They contemplated taking him to ICU, and I was trying not to freak out.  I clung to my faith in the Lord and knew that He was not going to abandon us no matter how bleak things looked.

Throughout the week long stay in the hospital, God used this as an opportunity to greatly increase our love for each other and to strengthen our wonderful bond.  I read the Bible to him and tried to speak words of faith to encourage him.  I rubbed his feet and legs that were hurting so badly from the swelling.  I insisted on bathing him rather than the nurses, and I had to perform tasks I never dreamed I would.  I learned a new level of love that goes WAY beyond romantic feelings or friendship.  We truly became one in new ways as God intends us to be in all ways.

God also revealed more about Himself through this ordeal as well.  He proved that He is always faithful; His love never fails us; He is willing and able to heal; He comforts and strengthens us; He is able to give unexplainable peace through some horrific storms; and He is everything we need.  With a God like that, why should we ever fear or fret?

After eleven days of a high fever, it finally broke one morning.  Gradually, over the course of several days, his body began returning back to normal.  He is home now but still on bed rest.  It may be another week or two before he is feels back to his old self, and it could be months before he completely has his strength back.  But, I will never forget all the things I learned through this ordeal.

Let me encourage you.  When you face life-shaking challenges, know that you have a secure anchor in God.  He will take care of you.  Then, allow Him to shape your perspective.  Do not waste anymore energy being upset about minor things, but keep your focus on things that truly matter.  Do not allow the enemy to get a foothold in your marriage or in your life, but choose to live the full and abundant life Jesus died to give you.  Celebrate life, and celebrate your marriage.  Love and appreciate your husband; he is truly a gift to you from the Lord!

Remember my mom’s life-changing advice:

“1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

2. It’s all small stuff.”