My Place Is Proudly in the Kitchen

We had quite a large crowd in our home at my daughter’s sweet 16 birthday party. At one point in the evening, I noticed that all of the young men were upstairs in the den playing pool, and all the young ladies were standing at the counter in the kitchen sampling the goodies. I walked in the kitchen and said with a slight smirk, “I see you all know that your place is in the kitchen.” You should have seen the girls scram! We all had a good laugh!

Later, one of the guys jokingly said to my daughter, “Woman, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!” Well, everyone had a hearty chuckle, but then they went back to their game without another thought about it. I wondered what examples they had each observed in their own homes with such a mix of personalities in one room.

To our modern culture, the idea of a woman serving her man is a big joke at best, or a resentful, degrading chore for many. Through years of victimized women being abused, bullied, or feeling entrapped by men, a movement of angry women militantly sought to settle the score with the guise of women’s liberation or feminism. This disgruntled bunch spread discontentment throughout the homes of America, seeking to reverse the traditional roles that left so many disillusioned. Granted, there were wrongs that absolutely needed to be made right. However, was this the best way to bring about change? Has feminism gone too far? What have we really gained and lost through the years?

While we have all witnessed some positive results, such as women gaining the right to vote, having equal career opportunities, and drumming up the courage to stand up against tyranny and pursuit a fulfilling life, have we considered what we have traded? I agree that unfairness and cruelty needs to be smothered, and I encourage women to stand up for themselves when they are being mistreated; however, smearing traditional roles has created new problems. I see emasculated and disrespected men who are either unwilling or not allowed to lead their homes, absent husbands and fathers, harried and overly stressed moms trying to have it all but enjoying none, women who lack grace and are full of resentment, unruly and dysfunctional children, and general unhappiness and brokenness among many of today’s families.

So, where did we go wrong? One thing I have learned with all my heart, through my almost half a century of living, is that God’s ways truly are the very best. Anytime we stray from His plans, we reap a harvest of trouble. I have a saying in my home that my husband teases me about, but it certainly would have prevented the mess we see in our culture, and that is, “What if everyone told the truth and did the right thing?” If everyone did their part in God’s perfect plan, we would have Utopia for certain. There would never have been a need for women’s liberation, nor would we have the consequences we see in modern day society. However, since we live in a fallen world, it is never going to be that way. Therefore, regardless of anyone else’s choices, we still have the responsibility to choose what is right and follow through. We cannot use someone else’s behavior as an excuse to stray from God’s best.

Upon exploring the source of the current trends in gender roles and attitudes, it is understandable that we would see the conflict that we experience today. However, I propose that we reconsider our God-given roles as women, and set an example for the world to see how God intended for it to be. As women, we are equal in value to men, but we have different purposes. God gave us complementary roles so that together we are complete, and we help each other to be all He intended for us to be.

I challenge you to:

• Consider it an honor to love and serve your husband and children.
• Respect and submit to your husband (within Christ like boundaries). Consider your words, attitude, body language, attention, and affection.
• Take initiative and make him glad he is a man. Make your marriage sizzle.
• Lovingly set healthy boundaries in your marriage according to the Bible. You should expect fidelity and to be treated well.
• Nurture, train, discipline, and enjoy your children.
• Find joy in managing your home and making it a place of beauty, order, and inspiration for all who enter. It is OK to share the chores, especially if you are working as well, but we as women can establish the atmosphere and set the tone of our homes.
• Recapture your femininity and grace, and carry yourself like a lady.
• Discover a gentle, quiet, pure, and soft spirit that is pleasing to God, but without compromising strength and respect for yourself.

Let me add here that I am not saying that it is wrong for a woman to have a career. All of these challenges can apply equally to working women or full-time homemakers. Remember, even the famous Proverbs 31 woman worked outside her home. It is all about attitude and being willing to follow God’s plan however He convicts you by His Word.

While we had fun joking about women’s roles at my daughter’s birthday party, it also opened up some sweet dialogue between my daughter and me. We talked about what an honor it is to work in our homes and nurture our family. What a pleasure it is to create healthy and delicious meals and a warm and inviting atmosphere. We light candles, display flowers, play jazz music, decorate the dinner table, and anything else we can find to set the mood. We also love girly stuff, such as make-up, jewelry, and shoes, but those things aren’t required. You can still be yourself. Do what you enjoy.

You see, we love being women, but even more, we love being ladies. We embrace the role God gave us, and we live it to the utmost. It doesn’t negate our ability to be successful in the business world, compete in sports, or use our minds brilliantly, but it allows us to find true fulfillment in God’s purposes for our lives.

Thank you God for making us girls!

Titus 2:3-5

Proverbs 31:10-31

Ephesians 5:21-33