Congratulations! You have just completed the most difficult and controversial week of our study of Sermon on the Mount! We will prayerfully and carefully dissect the verses in this section of chapter 5 in our small groups this week, and it will prove to be meaningful and applicable to our lives. I can’t wait to bring our insights together and see how the Holy Spirit will speak to us through God’s Word!

We will continue our theme this week on internal righteousness and Godly obedience that exceeds that of the Pharisees and teachers of religious law. We covered the two biggies last week – murder and adultery – and we learned that even with these two sins that seem so far from us, we must each be aware of the roots of these sins that need to be purged from our hearts. We need to understand that a half-hearted, minimal commitment to the externals for sake of looking good to others is not going to cut it. We are to seek to obey AND honor God, not just check off a to-do or to-don’t list.

This week, we will discuss divorce, swearing and making oaths, retaliation vs. turning the other cheek, and loving our enemies in our small groups. However, I want to focus on divorce in this week’s blog since it is such a difficult subject.

Divorce

I want to be tender with my approach here. I realize that this is a topic most of us have had experience with in one way or another. If you haven’t been through it, you may know someone who has. No matter how amicable the divorce was, and regardless of the grounds, it is still a messy and devastating situation for all involved. At times, I just wish this part of Scripture would go away so we wouldn’t have to talk about it. However, we need to approach this with the understanding that God loves us so very much,  and He has abundant grace for us, regardless of our situation. Everything in His Word is for our best, even the teaching on marriage and divorce, and we need to look at it that way.

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’  But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32 ESV

In the church world, there are times the divorced person feels shunned and labeled. Divorce is often looked upon as the “unpardonable sin.” Years after the individuals have moved on, there are legalistic judges who still feel the need to point fingers. Jesus, on the other hand, cleared up much confusion and clarified the Father’s heart regarding marriage and divorce.

The original law to which Jesus referred was given by Moses in Deuteronomy 24:1-4.

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 NIV

Here are some facts about this law:

1. Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of their hearts. However, many men took advantage of this loophole and began casting their wives out on the street for some of the most shallow of reasons. This brought devastating results for the women who had no means to provide for themselves, and often they were forced into prostitution. This was one way that a divorced woman became an adulteress, as explained by Jesus in verse 32 of Matthew 5.
2. If her husband cast his wife out but did not give her a certificate of divorce, she would not be free to be with another man who could provide for her. She would still be legally married to her first husband. This is another way she would be forced into adultery, and any man who tried to marry her also committed adultery.
3. In mercy, if her husband gave her a certificate of divorce, this set her free, and she could marry another man.

It is important to understand the cultural background behind this law so we can better understand what Jesus was saying. When He made this point, he showed that God values women much more than the culture did, and that marriage is not to be taken lightly. It was not God’s intention when He designed marriage that it would be entered into or dismissed from casually. God’s plan was for one man and one woman to become one flesh, and to be committed to each other in a holy covenant for their entire lives. That is God’s ideal.

Unfortunately, the ideal doesn’t always happen. That is why Jesus specified the exception that allows for divorce. If one spouse is sexually unfaithful, that is grounds for divorce. That does not mean that divorce is mandatory, however. Often, infidelity can be forgiven, and the relationship can be restored. However, divorce may be an act of mercy that protects the innocent spouse.

Many Christians fall into one extreme or the other when it comes to divorce.

On one end, some believe that there is never a justification for divorce, and they judge harshly anyone who has been affected by divorce. There is often whispering and gossip. They are the ones who debate loudly and harshly on social media or in small groups, leaving the divorced victims wounded and bleeding on the side of the road.

On this extreme, those who have been divorced, no matter how long ago it was, no matter what the reasons were, and regardless of God’s work in their hearts, are usually disqualified from serving in any ministry capacity or being included in any kind of church leadership. Someone could have been pardoned for murder and receive more mercy from modern day Pharisees than a divorced person will. The victims often feel the need to leave the very place that should be their safe refuge in such a time of turmoil. Oh, how this must grieve the heart of God!

On the other end, while trying to show the grace and mercy of Christ to divorced families, which is certainly the heart of God, some are afraid to speak the truth. They are afraid that if they speak boldly about what the Bible says about marriage and divorce, they will alienate or offend the majority of the people they are trying to reach. But then, they leave the impression that the church condones a lackadaisical approach to God’s commands and that anything goes as long as we have grace as an excuse. I can understand what they are trying to do, but the church needs to be sure to line up to the teachings of Christ as well as to express His heart. Both! Speak the truth in love. We don’t have to condemn people while protecting a God-ordained institution at the same time.

So, what is God’s view on marriage?

• Marriage is between one man and one woman, and it is intended for life.
• God hates divorce, but He loves the people involved.
• Husbands and wives must strive to make it work, with the help of God, and with all their might. This is a solemn covenant before God.
• The main point Jesus was making is that marriage should be taken very seriously, and not flippantly as it had been. Burning biscuits or developing wrinkles are not grounds for casting a wife out on the street to fend for herself.
• Divorce is last resort and should not be considered until every other avenue to reconcile has been attempted, even if you have biblical grounds.
• The reality is that not every marriage is going to survive, whether or not we agree with the reasons. Not every marriage is ideal. One spouse may be unfaithful, and it may become necessary for the other to leave the situation for safety or sanity. Some are mistreated or grossly neglected. That is the sad truth. Because we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, it is not our place to point fingers.
• God has allowed for an exception for divorce in the case of sexual unfaithfulness. Divorce is not required in this situation, and restoration is possible. However, divorce is permitted if necessary. So, those who condemn the one who leaves an adulterer is putting an unnecessary yoke of law upon them.
• If you are in an abusive situation, you must get out and get help immediately. This is a form of desertion, and it is certainly unfaithfulness in the marriage. Be safe!
• For serious issues that are not specifically addressed by Jesus, pornography, immoral or criminal behavior, substance abuse, habitual lying, mistreatment and abuse, unwillingness to work or provide for the family, desertion, or neglect, you must set boundaries with consequences. You do not have to accept or tolerate such behavior. You are not a door mat, and you do not have to be overpowered by a bully.  Submission does not make you helpless or vulnerable to evil.  You are a daughter of the King and you are strong and wise enough to stand up to immorality and abuse.
• Some will say that the above situations are grounds for divorce, but some say they are not because Jesus does not mention these things specifically. There are people much smarter than I am who know how to answer these situations, but they do not all agree on the interpretation. That is why you must “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” Do some research, and get some good counsel before taking a drastic step. Try less invasive measures first. However, it is not our place to judge others in these situations. Again, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.
• Some will argue that when Jesus said that to marry a divorced woman is committing adultery, that he is talking about a woman who has been cast out of the home without a legal certificate of divorce. However, some interpret this to mean that all remarriage is wrong. Then again, some fall somewhere in between these two extremes. Whichever camp you are in, know that God can forgive, heal, and restore you whatever your situation. If you are remarried, God does not want you to stay stuck in the past, but He would want you to invest in your current marriage. Start where you are and move forward. God can use this for His glory.
• Each situation is unique. We don’t have to know why someone divorces. We don’t know what someone had to live with. It is none of our business, and they don’t need us to either approve of or condemn them, even if the divorce was not biblically compliant. It is between them and God alone. So, no judging allowed!
• Our attitude toward the divorced person can be summed up with one word, GRACE. God will judge any sin if needed, but our place is to love and show grace. There is a different between speaking the truth about marriage and divorce in general and counseling people in love then condemning the people involved. Let our attitudes toward people reflect the heart of Christ.
• If you have been through a divorce, whether you are the innocent party, the one who initiated it, the one who was abandoned or cheated on, have been abused, or even if you left for silly reasons, you must understand God’s viewpoint. God does not label you, reject you, condemn you, abandon you, or disqualify you. He forgives and restores. He can take all the shattered pieces and make a masterpiece out of it. He can use your situation, whatever it is, for His glory. God can make all things new!

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:3-9 NIV

Week 5 Assignments

1. Read Matthew 5-7
2. Study Week 6: “Secret Righteousness,” pp. 74-89; Matthew 6:1-18
3. Attend a small group.
4. Watch my video for this week.
5. Memorize this week’s Bible verse, Matthew 6:1 ESV:

Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.

Week 5 Discussion Questions

Here is a sneak peek of the questions we will be discussing this week in our small groups.

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Matthew 5:32 ESV

QUESTION 1: (Day 2) How does Jesus’ teaching on divorce in Matthew 5:31-32 and 19:3-9 stand in contrast to the way people view marriage and divorce today?

QUESTION 2: What would you say, as a representative of the heart of Christ, to someone who has been through a divorce? (Regardless of the reason for their divorce.)

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, ‘Do not take an oath at all…’

Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” Matthew 5:33-34a, 37 ESV

QUESTION 3: (Day 3, p. 66) Restate in your own words what you think Jesus means by, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than that comes from evil.” (Matt. 5:37)

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.  Matthew 5:38-39 ESV

QUESTION 4: (Day 4, p. 68) What is accomplished by “turning the other cheek?” What is the risk?

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” Matthew 5:43-44 ESV

QUESTION 5: (Day 5) What are some practical guidelines for showing love to our enemies?

QUESTION 6: What has personally impacted you the most in this week’s passage of the Sermon on the Mount?

Reading Schedule

• Skip Week 1 in the book; Optional video
• August 28 – September 3, Study Week 2: “Who Is Blessed?” pp. 14-29; Matthew 5:1-12
  • Small groups: Introduction. No need to ready anything ahead of time.
• September 4-10, Study Week 3: “A People of Influence,” pp. 30-45; Matthew 5:13-20
  • Small groups: Discuss Week 2
• September 11-17, Study Week 4: “You Have Heard That It Was Said…” Part 1, pp. 46-59; Matthew 5:21-30
  • Small groups: Discuss Week 3
• September 18-24, Study Week 5: “You Have Heart That It Was Said…” Part 2, pp. 60-73; Matthew 5:31-48
  • Small groups: Discuss Week 4
• September 25 – October 1, Study Week 6: “Secret Righteousness,” pp. 74-89; Matthew 6:1-18
  • Small groups: Discuss Week 5
• October 2-8, Study Week 7: “Where Your Treasure Is,” pp. 90-105; Matthew 6:19-34
  • Small groups: Discuss Week 6
• October 9-15, Study Week 8: “Do Unto Others,” pp. 106-121; Matthew 7:1-12
  • Small groups: Discuss Week 7
• October 16-22, Study Week 9: “A Foundation That Endures,” pp. 122-137; Matthew 7:13-29
  • Small groups: Discuss Week 8
• October 23-29: Catch Up Week and Finish Study
  • Small groups: Discuss Week 9

How This Works

1. If you have not done so already, please register by leaving your name and email address below.
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• Lifeway: Paperback: Sermon on the Mount
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4. Small Groups: There will be a schedule for small groups pinned to the top of the Facebook group, Heart to Heart Women’s Bible Study, as we get closer to the time. All you need to do is show up at the scheduled day and time, and the discussion will take place underneath the group photo. 
5. Follow my ministry page on Facebook, Shari Lewis Ministries, to stay up-to-date on ministry events and for daily prayers, nuggets of wisdom and encouragement for your life, photos that you are welcome to share, and faith building blog posts to strengthen you in your walk with Christ.

Let us continue being faithful and diligent in the Word. May we seek to know God and His ways. I hope to see you in a small group this week!

God bless!