Steadfast Love, Week 6, Gratitude

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As I stand in front of my full-length mirror, I notice many scars that have marred my body. The stretch marks from my pregnancies, the mark on my shin from having stitches after a bike accident as a child, the slit across the front of my neck from having my thyroid removed… Each of these marks reminds me of a time of pain, yet they also remind me of a time of healing.

My stretch marks are not the prettiest markings on my body at all, and there is no way I am going to show up on the beach in a bikini! However, when I look at these scars, they signify to me what an honor it is to have been chosen by God to be the mother of my three amazing children. These scars are not ugly to me, but because of what they represent, they are beautiful!

Scars are a beautiful thing, whether physical or emotional scars. Instead of looking at our scars and seeing the loss or the hurt, learn to recognize the healing that occurred, and the faithfulness of the Lord through that season. He was with you. He brought you through it. He did a good work in your life during that time.

Nearly ten years ago, my doctor had discovered several nodules on my thyroid that had grown to the point of affecting my breathing and swallowing. They had to be removed! However, when the surgeon began the procedure, he noticed that my thyroid was resting against one of my vocal nerves. This was serious because I ran the risk of never being able to use my voice again, and never being able to swallow normally again.

Just as I had feared, the damage to my vocal nerve caused paralysis of my vocal folds, and I was unable to speak above a whisper for almost a year. I also couldn’t eat or drink without choking. It was horrible!

What made it worse is that I was a singer. That was my identity, and it was also my ministry focus. What was I going to do now? How could God call me and gift me in this area, and then take it away? How could He give me such a passion for music and then dangle it in front of me like a carrot that I was never going to reach?

It didn’t make sense in the natural, but I chose to trust God. I knew He had a plan, and He certainly knew what He was doing. I had done the temper tantrum thing in the past when God’s plan didn’t make sense to me, and it resulted in major depression and a season of bitter rebellion. I didn’t want to go there again!

I knew by now that God sees the bigger picture and uses our losses to bring even greater growth and fruitfulness to our lives. I understood how He often used times like this to shape our character and to reveal more of Himself to us. So, I was going to step into this trial with a completely different attitude than I had in the past.

Since I had always equated worship with singing, I needed to learn a new way to worship. I decided then and there that no matter what this situation looked like, I was going to be intentional about giving God thanks and worshiping from my heart, even if I couldn’t do it out loud. I had been devastated by this loss, but at the same time, I had become so thankful that God loved me too much to give me the easy way out.

I wish I could tell you all the amazing conversations I had with God during this time. I developed an intimacy with Him that went so much deeper than I had ever known before. My love and devotion for God multiplied exponentially because of my pain. Does that even make sense?

Then it happened! I picked up my Bible. I wanted to know God on a deeper level! I wanted to know more than the mere familiar verses or stories that I had subsisted on for so many years. My Bible used to sit on the shelf during the week, and then I would dust it off on Sundays. I never finished the Bible studies I started either. But now, I had an insatiable hunger for His Word, and I ingested it ravenously!

It was during this time I began yearning to write and to teach as well. You may see where this is going. This is where this online ministry was truly birthed! If I had not lost my voice, I don’t know if I would have ever developed the love for the Bible that I have now, nor would I have been prepared for the ministry I do now. God wasn’t taking something away from me; He was merely withholding something from me for a time in order to give me something greater.

My silence lasted about nine months. I could whisper, and at times, I could almost talk with a rasp. Eventually, I began feeling a little strength returning, and I was able to do vocal therapy for about a year. However, the singing just wouldn’t come. I had accepted that those days were now behind me, but little did I know what was on the horizon!

The first time I visited the church my husband and I would eventually pastor, a man came to me and said he saw a purple haze hovering around my neck. I thought that was strange! At this point, I was still unable to talk well, but he had no idea that I had anything wrong with me. He said that the haze signified that God was going to heal me at a later time, and to prove it, He was going to take my headache away in an instant. I had the worst headache that morning, and I had told no one, not even my husband. And you know what? My headache did disappear instantly. Wow! That was one of the weirdest yet exciting interactions I had ever had, but it gave me some hope!

Three years later, I was in a service at the same church. The evangelist pointed me out and said word for word exactly what I had said when I was in my living room by myself earlier that day. I had told no one, nor did he know anything about my voice! It freaked me out! He said, “No, your best days are not behind you as you said.” (Yes, that is exactly what I had said!) “Your best days are before you, and I say you are healed.” He asked me to come up front and sing with his wife. We began singing the great hymn, “Great Is Thy Faithfulness.”

Suddenly, it was just like The Little Mermaid when she was getting her voice back. My voice started getting stronger and clearer by the phrase until I was belting it out like I hadn’t done in years! God healed me supernaturally on the spot! Hallelujah! And, I haven’t shut up since!

I have been a worship leader and a Bible teacher, using this gift of healing God gave me in my voice. I have a testimony of God’s greatness that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Here is the thing; I have a permanent scar across the front of my neck. But, I call it my badge of honor! It is a constant reminder of what God did for me during my years of silence. He delayed my healing because He had a greater blessing for me. And, even if He would have never healed me in this lifetime, He was and still is faithful! This season taught me concretely about the love and goodness of our God. He accomplished so much within me that would not have happened without this experience.

If you are going through a desert, enduring the consequences of folly, in chains, or going through a storm, understand that our God sees the big picture. He had not abandoned you. He had not forgotten about you. He is working out His perfect plan for you! Choose to trust and to give Him praise. Rejoice in the goodness of the Lord that goes much deeper than what we perceive on the surface. And, if you carry a scar, a limp, or brokenness, change your perspective, and let that serve as a reminder of God’s faithfulness to you. God is good!

Week 6 Discussion Questions

Here is a sneak peek at this week’s small group discussion questions.

ICE BREAKER: Think of a Godly, inspirational woman you know. What are some adjectives you would use to describe her?

QUESTION 1: Name something that reminds you of a time when God delivered you from a desert, chains, folly, or a storm.

QUESTION 2: In your current season, how can you fulfill God’s will for your life to “rejoice always?” How is it possible?

QUESTION 3: Have you personally seen God change something or someone in answer to your prayers?

QUESTION 4: Sometimes, God allows us to go through times of difficulty in order to do something greater within us. Can you think of a time your desert, folly, chains, or storm brought about something good in your life? How did it effect your relationship with God?

QUESTION 5: Page 180 has an action plan for sharing your story. You have a story You have talents. How will you invest them? No dream is too big or too small. What is God putting in your heart to do/be a part of? (Think of now, one year from now, and five years from now, and ten years from now.)

QUESTION 6: (optional) What is something that stands out to you from these weeks of study?

Assignments for the Week:

Reading Schedule

  • July 31-August 6, Week 7 Video, pp. 182-185
    • Small groups: Discuss Week 6

Have a blessed week! See you in a small group!

 

 

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