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| My mom and dad, The happy love-birds! |
There they sit on their rockers on the back porch, holding hands like a couple of sappy love-birds! They are more in love now than they were when they eloped back in 1959!
I love to watch when Mom walks by Dad, and they have to touch in some way every time. He reaches out his hand to hers, or she strokes his arm or pecks him on the cheek. It’s so sweet! She adores bringing him snacks while he watches his favorite Fox News shows or Hee Haw reruns, and it is always served with a kiss! My dad still courts my mom too!
My parents have the kind of marriage that we all aspire to have one day. Young couples often look at them and dream of having that kind of love for themselves. Unfortunately, reality hits us all, and we are often learning to settle for far less than what we had fantasized about on our wedding day.
But, does it have to be that way? Were we deceived, or is it really possible to stay in love after decades of sharing life with the same person? Many of us read every blog and book we can get our hands on, and we flock to conferences to learn practical steps to improving our marriage, and I think that is wonderful! I do not get tired of these myself, because we can always learn something new that will nurture our marriages. However, I think we are missing one very important resource. Think about it. Could there possibly be any better teacher than the experience of a couple who has indeed made it work? I recommend watching great marriages closely, and even being mentored by couples who are living examples of what it is we are all want.
So, mentoring? Is that it? Well, that is only the road that led me to the special ingredient. My own mentors, my parents, have a plethora of advice and wisdom, and books could be written of all they could teach us of a happy marriage. Of course, they have the foundation of putting God first in everything and sticking it out through thick and thin. They have also weathered many storms that have brought them closer together, but they claim a secret ingredient that will definitely sweeten your marriage. As a matter of fact, the more you add of this ingredient, the sweeter your marriage will become!
Before my parents explained to me about this secret to their success, I had noticed a pattern. In the car, they hold hands. When they go for walks, they hold hands. When they sit on the porch, they hold hands. When they pray, they hold hands. When they go to church, theater, or anywhere, they hold hands. When they pass each other in the house, they have to at least touch hands.
There you have it! The secret ingredient to a happy, successful, intimate, and long-lasting marriage is holding hands. It works too!
Oh, it’s more than just the school-age crush where your hand tingles, and your hair stands on end the first time that cute boy touches your hand. Holding hands with your husband/wife is to be connected to him/her. It forces you to more than just be in the same place together, but it brings you together in the same place. Do you see the difference?
- It communicates that you belong together.
- Skin on skin affection brings feelings of pleasure, closeness, and bonding by stimulating the nerve endings in the palms, or elsewhere on the skin. It is emotionally as well as physically connecting.
- Physical affection affirms a person’s value and communicates that you care for them, that you are attracted to them.
- It is difficult to be selfish or to ignore the other person when you are holding their hand.
- Holding hands includes the other person. Relationships, by default, tend to drift apart, and in time, individuals begin to act more independently. Holding hands, however, keeps you linked together.
- It is difficult to stay angry or bitter with someone when you are holding their hand. Conflict is resolved more quickly when you have a habit of holding hands.
- Holding hands stimulates positive emotions in the brain. I wish I knew more about neurology, but on a general level, this I know to be true! It just makes you happy!
- Holding hands can bring comfort in times of sadness or grief, and it can help you relax when stressed or anxious.
- Holding hands says, “I love you.”
My parents have been married for 55 years. Normally, the number does not impress me at all. Just because a couple has decided to stick it out for the long haul does not mean that they have a successful marriage. They may be sticking it out the same way a prisoner sticks out a prison sentence! There has to be more to it than just a number!
I want a long marriage AND a great marriage! Like my mom and dad’s!
Jeff and I will continue reading blogs and books and attending yearly marriage conferences. We will continue praying together and applying all the things we have learned. We will continue striving to follow the Biblical order for marriage in Ephesians 5 and affection in marriage from Song of Solomon. We will communicate in each other’s love languages and try to meet each other’s needs. We will continue to be best friends and lovers into our 90’s! However, one ingredient we will be sure to never forget to include in our recipe is to always hold hands.
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| We want a long AND great marriage! |
Here’s to your happy marriage as well as mine! God bless!
Here is something fun for you from WAY before my time (but not before Jeff’s! 😉 ):
I'm sorry that you misunderstood the point of this post. I did not say that hand holding is the only important ingredient. I was saying that when you hold hands, it is but one of the ingredients that will sweeten your marriage. It is like adding sugar to your favorite cake recipe. Sure, the main ingredients cannot be missing, or your cake will certainly fall. However, it is the extra ingredients that make it all the more special. In the final paragraph, I do mention that we follow Ephesians 5 for God's order in marriage, and we add the affection from Song of Solomon. I talked about communicating to each other in our unique love languages and being best friends. I talked about learning from blogs and good marriage books Hand holding is just one more thing that, on top of the foundational principals, will enhance one's marriage.
I so diagree! First, touch is not my love language, though it is. Second, if all he does is hold my hands, instead of being the leader that he is supposed to be, all I've got is a hand holder. I'm sure your parents would tell you it takes a hell of a lot more than holding hands.